Sunday, January 30, 2005

i love you

"I really truly madly deeply passionately remarkably delicously juicily love you"

"warming my lips"

Bliss-
I am bliss

Now I've half an hour to get ready before the troops arrive, then its off to the Getty to meet up with B (AC)-and if I'm not mistaken-I may still be tipsy from last night.

Happy Sundays

Friday, January 28, 2005

What is most important to you?

JFred shared this quiz with me-based on your answers, it determines what qualities are most important to you-

Here is my top ten list-

Integrity
Truth
Honesty
Sensitivity
Care
Makeing a difference
Knowledge
Trust
Logic
Love

I was surprised by the top 3, and that love barely made it into the top 10-

Take the quiz yourself here-
http://www.douglaswagoner.com/ValueTest.php

The Death Clock calculates when you will die. Barring, of course, being hit by a bus.

http://www.deathclock.com/

For me:

Your Personal Day of Death is...
Tuesday, March 29, 2072

Seconds left to live...

2,119,439,281

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

What's the news since Saturday?

Well Saturday I ended up not feeling well, and called it a very early night.
I spent Sunday vegging around the house, catching up on domestic stuffs, running errands, and enjoying an empty house.
Jeff was of course, out golfing.
I had planned to attend Fetish Bar on Sunday, but instead decided to stay home and watch Carnivale and get to bed early to be better prepped for a meeting at work on Monday morning.
Monday night spent some time getting to know B (that's the AC looking boy)
On the plus side-he's really into music and owns dogs
On the negative-he does not like roller coasters, and normally only goes to clubs to watch bands play-he sees clubs at meet markets, and is not normally into such things.
Back on the plus side-that means he won't want to tag along when I go out with the kids :)
Last night I went looking for a b'day gift for C.
No luck so far :(
Got to have a quick chat with R, and am happy to have a Valentine this year :)
Will also need to sort out something for his b'day-other than just a sugar rush of Krispy Kremes.
Watched Collateral with Jeff-it was VERY good.
I'm quite surprised by 2 things.
Firstly, Tom Cruise was not total crap
Secondly, Jamie Fox has been nominated in the Best Supporting Actor category at the Oscar's for his performance in this film, but I think he was the star of the film.
Tonight I am supposed to go out with RC, but I may bail and just stay home and do my taxes-I'll have to decide how I feel this afternoon.
Tomorrow night a small group of us are going to watch Hitchikers Guide and then I am meeting M and C for b'day drinks.
Friday is up in the air-
Kittys is doing a medical theme, so we will prolly be heading there (even though we have already done a medical theme on our own before)
Saturday is prolly drinks with the kids,
Sunday will try for Fetish Bar again this week.
Will have to decide if I want to ask B (AC) to meet me there or not-
May be too much to juggle-I think R is going to go, and I expect others to be there too.

170 days till London!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Friday Night and then some

so here it is, 3:01 a.m. on Saturday morning.
Went to Das Bunker tonight and had a WONDERFUL time.
Great venue, amazing DJs, and met lots of great people.
Ran into an ex, said hello, had a pleasant talk for a few mins, then the current girlfriend came up and pulled him aside.
The next time I saw him I said hello again, and he confessed that his girlfriend did not like the idea of his talking to me, and told him he was not to talk to me anymore that night.
I could take that two ways-
Either he has spoken so well of me that she felt threatened,
or
She now has a reason to not trust him.
Which would be sad-because he was always trustworthy and loyal while we dated.

Had a great time with the kids-will post photos as soon as S sends them to me.

Met a boy who looks like Alan Cumming-and that ain't bad :)
I have invited him to join us for the Fetish Bar on Sunday.

So now I am home, it's after 3 a.m., Dave Chapelle is on, and I am glowing from a great night out.

Hope your Friday was just as fun!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Thursday Update

Feeling much better than Sunday.
Apparently for me, heat and rest are the answer to keeping my challenges in check.
So on Tuesday I recapped the weekend-
Have since heard that R's event went wonderfully.
There was an amazing turn out, and great fun was had by all.
Yeah for R!

Tuesday evening Jeff and I went to the gym and I ran the treadmill for an hour.
(Go Me!)
Normally I wear my headphones and phase out everyone around me-on Tuesday though, thanks to King of the Hill, I made a new friend.
King of the Hill was an episode where Bobby has been feeding a racoon who scratches Dale as he tries to exterminate it, and bites Ladybird as she protects Hank.
That's all prolly way too much info-ANYWAY
Dale ends up running away to escape a rabies shot, and hides in the woods and goes a bit crazy living off wild mushrooms.
It was very entertaining.
It started with small smiles, graduating to my trying to laugh quietly, and eventually we were both laughing out loud and introducing ourselves during the commercial break.
He works on the Warner Bros lot as an artist, and lives in Sherman Oaks.
Very tall-very fit-and more typical handsome than my type of pretty, but charming and witty and definately someone I'd like to get to know better.
We have plans to meet up for dinner and drinks, and I'm looking forward to a fun new boy to get to know.

D was nice enough to meet me at the driving range in Encino last night.
Turns out I need to hit 10-15 balls before I find my swing.
I'm going to meet up with Sarah on Sunday in Santa Anita. While the boys play a round, she and I are going to play at the driving range, then head to the mall for shopping.
After the game we'll be going to the new Dave and Busters for more fun :)
With Sarah playing, I won't feel such a bother around the boys.
Though Jeff is encouraging me to try the game out, just last night he said he didn't think we should go to the driving range at that course, because everyone else would be so much better than us.
I think he forgets that everyone had to learn at the starting point.
Part of the reason I want to do this with Sarah is so I have someone else to learn with. I don't want to learn or hold up games with players who worry that I won't do as well as whomever else is around. That worry is going to detract from the fun factor.
Discussion with D after the driving range-
Is it better to have lots of sex with many people who aren't really what you want, or to wait for what you really want?
Is sex with 2 unattractive people at the same time, better than sex with 1 person you are attracted too?
D put it very well-Is it better to have 1 jag, or 2 yugos?
Why do you need a 2nd yugo if you can have 1 jag?

Tonight M and I have decided to have a quiet evening at home.
We're going to try the sugar plum cocktail recipe, order dinner, and watch a movie.
Tomorrow the vote is up for either Dungeon, Good Luck, Prey, or Kittys.
I suspect Prey is not the crowd the kids will want to play with.
Dungeon might be fun-as might Kittys.

Saturday is the 2nd yoga class, then weight training, then lunch with J.
Saturday night will be dinner and cocktails.
Sunday is brekkie with RC then meeting Sarah at the driving range with the boys.
Have been asked to check out Fetish Club on Sunday night, so am considering that too.
Just don't want someone to feel like his space has been invaded-but then again, it's not really his space. Fang is his space-
Question is will I feel guilty anyway.

The Eiffel Tower Is A Portal To Hell and other things you already knew

BY DEBBIE FANATIA

For generations, Parisians have known that the Eiffel Tower is a portal to hell, and have left unsuspecting tourists prey to Satan's sinister minions who enter our world through a secret trap door under the tower.

"People frequently say they leave the tower changed, and they do. The demons sometimes take people back down with them, but more often they suck their souls and leave the bodies to climb back down in a daze and carry out their evil missions," says Jacques Boudreau, visibly shuddering.

"Parisians have known about the portal for years. Why do you think you don't see Frenchmen up there? We'd just as soon leave the tourists to the demons, especially the Americans."

Witnesses report horrid smells and sordid noises coming from under the tower, but officials have been told to attribute it to traffic noises and poor plumbing in the tower's restaurants. Locals, however, have learned to spot afflicted tourists and avoid them at all costs. "I see a glassy-eyed American come into my bakery, first thing I ask him is if he's been to the Eiffel Tower," says Richard Mouton, a local. "He says yes, I throw him out."

Published on: 01/18/2005

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE HO
Pimp writes self-help book

By DAVID TOLSEY

Flozell Wilson wants to impart some advice to his corral of ladies. "Take it one day at a time, ladies, because you never know what's around the street corner."

Those thoughtful words are part of Flozell's new book called Chicken Soup for the Ho.

"I know that ladies of the night have some tough times hangin' on the streets," says Flozell. "So I thought I would do my part to tell them life is all good. This book is a culmination of five years of hard work. I just hope it helps my bitches out."

"Flozell's been my Poppi for so long now," says Bianca Tavarez. "Now, I start every evening out with a passage from his book. Robert Fulghum and the rest of those so-called writers ain't got nothin' on my daddy. He writes inspirational words like, 'The grass is always greener on the other side of the sidewalk.' "

While Chicken Soup for the Ho may not make it to the New York Times bestseller list, Flozell can still envision a full-time writing career one day. "Check it, I'll make sure my bitches are secured with another pimp before I pull a Finding Forrester on them."

Published on: 01/13/2005

BATTLE OF THE 7-FOOT MESSIAHS


By APRIL SUMMERS

The Messiah is a 7-foot-tall blond David Hasselhoff look alike -- and he's coming to save the planet from another 7-foot messiah that amazingly resembles Osama Bin Laden!

At least that's the picture painted by spiritual medium Wendy Lockwood, of Aurora, Colo. She says this hunky messiah appeared to her in a vision.

Based on her drawings, he's a tall, statuesque man whose looks are a beautiful blend between Baywatch star David Hasselhoff and American Idol runner-up Jason Guarini. He's supposedly 79 years old, but doesn't look a day over 25.

Lockwood claims her messiah, named "Harjas," is hiding from the public until the time is right, but when he does appear, it will be to save the planet from another messiah, a Bin Laden look-alike called "Maitreya."

To the uninformed spectator, this meeting will only be an incredible fight between David Hasselhoff and Osama Bin Laden, but really, the fate of the earth will rest on these 7-foot giants' shoulders!

The spiritualist claims that when Harjas comes, he will set up shop near Denver, Colo., which will then be known as the "altar of the world," and, even though he will be jaw-droppingly attractive, he won't allow himself to profit from his pulchritude.

"He won't be a celebrity," she says. "He refuses to be worshipped."

Published on: 01/20/2005

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Modern Clothes Are Unwearable, Says Cardin

PARIS (Reuters) - Modern clothes are unwearable and the fashion industry has been disfigured by big business and nudity, says legendary designer Pierre Cardin.
In an interview at his offices overlooking the French presidential palace, Cardin said true haute couture, the French phrase for the most exclusive work produced by a big fashion house, had vanished.

Haute couture dresses and outfits are sewn by hand and to the specific measurements of the client, ensuring something unique, the exact opposite of mass produced ready-to-wear. ADVERTISEMENT



"You no longer have the construction of a real silhouette. Before you had Balenciaga, Chanel, Courreges, Cardin ... Of these names, yes Dior still exists, but it's spectacle. It's superb, but it's a spectacle," said 82-year-old Cardin, one of France's last great fashion icons.

"You can't walk in shoes like that or hats like that -- to go where? You go to dinner and you need three chairs to sit down," said Cardin, who joined the Dior atelier in 1946 and shot to fame with his "bubble dress" in 1954.

"Intelligent women work nowadays, they drive cars, and the cars are smaller and smaller, while the dresses at Dior are bigger and bigger. It's very beautiful, but it's not fashion -- it's something else. It's costume."

Cardin was talking to Reuters about his 65 years in fashion as he considers offers for his $1.32 billion empire, which he recently put up for sale.

A U.N. peace ambassador who is also the only couturier in the prestigious institute that protects French culture, Cardin reflected on his career.

"I was very lucky. I was part of the post-war period when everything had to be redone. Women wanted to party, to dance, to amuse themselves; there was a sexy side. But now nudity is everywhere, sex is everywhere," he said.

"We undress men and women, we don't dress them any more."

"WHO WOULD BUY CARTIER-BRESSON?"

As for the thirst for labels that drove fashion giants like LVMH and Pinault Printemps Redoute into battle for control of Gucci, Cardin said a true couture house needed a true creator behind it.

"Gucci began as a suitcase with a stripe, (film maker Luchino) Visconti gave me one. I knew Monsieur Gucci, the grandfather. That's not the name of a creator," Cardin said.

"It's like a photographer who is a big name, like Henri Cartier-Bresson. Who would buy "Cartier-Bresson" and use it as a name?" he said.

"That is what has happened in fashion; we have completely disfigured this profession that was once very creative."

Master of a realm that spans everything from men's suits to the Maxim's restaurant concern, Cardin said it is now nearly impossible for a young couturier to make a mark.

"When I began in 1945 there were about 20 creators round the world. Today there are hundreds, everywhere, internationally. But there is practically no more fashion," said Cardin.

"If I were 20 I wouldn't know what to do because practically everything has been done."

But the man who has kept one step ahead of the fashion world for most of his career -- bringing runway shows to department stores in 1959 and couture to communist China in 1975 -- was also the first to take fashion to the street with ready-to-wear.

"IT WILL KILL YOUR NAME"

"They said pret-a-porter will kill your name and it saved me," he said.

Cardin was also the first to take the controversial step of licensing his label to an outside manufacturer.

"When I agreed my first license 45 years ago it was an enormous risk. People said no one would be talking about Pierre Cardin in two years and they were quite wrong -- those were the words of Dior and Saint-Laurent. The only one who is alive today and still being talked about is Pierre Cardin," he said.

Cardin's embrace of licensing -- when third parties manufacture items under a designer's name -- is anathema to much of today's luxury trade which admits only to farming out production of sunglasses, perfumes or jeans.

But Cardin, who built his empire without borrowing a single franc, defended his approach; his Pierre Cardin trademark now supports 900 licenses across 140 countries.

"I have a name, I have to take advantage of it," he said.

Ironically though, licensing has shut most Cardin boutiques; he now sells mainly through department and duty-free stores.

"I had 27 boutiques around the world at the time of (former French President Charles) de Gaulle, but we closed them because it bothered licensees. They said: you are competing with us."

Cardin applied the logic he used to expand his Pierre Cardin label to Maxim's, the Paris restaurant whose brand he has "stretched" across 800 licenses from chocolates to watches and pens. The restaurant appealed to him as a place for going out wearing stylish fashion and jewels.

Critics have turned up their noses, arguing that licensing devalues a brand, but Cardin may yet have the last laugh.

The designer, who reckons Maxim's and his couture interests are each worth at least 500 million euros, said he so far received 20 offers for his fashion empire.

"It's worth much more than that. It's the price of desire."

Excessiveness and Paying the Piper

Push, Push, Push
I tend to push myself. At school, at work, at play, however and where ever.
I think it stems from-as so many things do in our lives-my childhood.
Learning that I would have to claw my way out of unfortunate circumstances. An amazingly astute and forward thinking Mother taught me very early on that an education, and commitment would be the tools to not only escaping poverty, but any of lifes hardened challenges.
And so I push.
Always had to get good marks at school, so I could earn a schlorship-
Perform above and beyond at work, to conquer the fear of me or my family being homeless again.
Excessive performance in all things-
and sometimes that falls over into my play time as well.

Ended up at Kitty's on Friday-had a fun time-met some new people-overall just a nice, casual, drama-free evening. Met a nice boy named P, who is far too nice.
He's the type of boy one should meet months after a break up when they are ready for another relationship. He's not the type of boy to just go out and have fun with. He's all puppy dogs and ice cream.
Saturday got up early (prolly first mistake of the weekend) and headed to the gym for my first yoga class. Dr had called the gym and passed on info about my condition to the teacher, and she was wonderfully prepared to show me differnet positions to try based on my abilities. The class was VERY challenging. I think if I had not done yoga while in college, I would have been an even bigger mess. At least I wasn't one of the ones who kept falling over onto the studio floor with a loud 'thunk!' every once and a while. K (the teacher) said she thought I did very well, and has outlined a plan for when and how often I should attend class.
After the class I was supposed to meet J for some weight work-he called and left a message saying he was running late, and I called back saying I would wait for him.
While walking over to get water, one of the TVs caught my attention-it was showing an animal info type show all about marine mammels. Woo Hoo!
So I took a seat on one of the bikes under the TV, and hooked up my head phones to listen as I waited for J to arrive.
I also started peddeling- (likely the second mistake)
An hour or so later, I'm still peddeling, as I watch the aggresive and very UNsexy mating ritual of the elephant seal, and feel one of my knees start to go.
Call J to find out if he is there at the gym yet, and instead ask that we NOT have the weight session today, and instead go to lunch.
J and I have a nice lunch, check in with S for the plans for that night, and then head to Sports Chalet so I can pick up a yoga mat and some weight gloves.
I lose J to the golf section, am shocked at the price of a set of clubs, (no wonder this game is dominated by white males) and pick up some tennis balls for the Flurry.
Call R to get the scoop on his opening tomorrow night, pass on info to J and invite A to join us. Hoping big success and am super proud of R.
S and I head to dinner-enjoying my time with S SO much. Then we head to a new bar (new for me, not for S) and think I have found a new haunt.
Great jukebox, great space, great drinks.
Meet a cute bartender and chat about music and on second round say maybe when he asks for my number.
M and C meet us there, and catch up on how everyones week has been, and talk about last night.
Third round comes over compliments of the bartender.
Deciding where to head to next, C tells us that Deb is at a lesbian birthday party at Cheetah's. He gives her a call and we tidy up. S and M are THRILLED to be going. :)
Pay my tab-forget to give my number to the bartender-head to Cheetah's.
We find the party, order drinks, and grab some singles.
Soon enough S in a stripper sandwich, Deb has money in her mouth and boobs in her face, and M, C, and I are toasting.
We stay at Cheetah's WAY later than expected. (third mistake)
ATM at Cheetah's charges $5 service fee.
S gets a table dance.
S in in love :).
The boys and I decide to visit the LACMA tomorrow to view the Arts and Crafts exhibit.
Everyone heads home.
I fall into bed-put on PoA-fall asleep sometime around, "You tell those spiders!".
8 a.m.
My 'husband' wakes me up to tell me we are leaving in half an hour.
WTF?!?!
Yep-half and hour.
How much sleep have I had? 4 hours? 5 hours? (mistake #4)
Amazingly am ready to go in the poorly alloted 30 minutes, and even manage to NOT look like I've spent the night in a Penthouse Forum letter.
We drive seperately to a course in Glendale-call S from the car-she's awake, and still in love :)
J and I walk up to the driving range and he gives me some examples on how to strech out before I start swinging.
He looks like a golf dork.
I refuse to do the golf dork stretchy stretchy.
(5 golden mistakes)
He shows me the stance, how to swing, what to do.
I miss the ball.
He corrects me.
I hit the ball about a foot.
He corrects me again.
Hey Hey! The ball goes in the air!
More advice-I hit more balls.
The ball goes further!
The ball is not only arching, but going straight!
Check me out!
I start to get a little cocky.
I say something obnoxious to the ball.
Something loud.
Something like, 'thats what I call spanking!'
J instructs me on polite volume at the driving range.
I take a break, have some on my ever-present Propel, and hit a few more balls.
(see the trend in mistakes?)
J, D, and I head to breakfast at the course.
Their friend B turns up, and is as funny as J figures I would find him.
I tag along for the first round and enjoy some 4-wheel'n action in the golf cart.
The boys offer insight into why they play certain holes certain ways, and explain rules of the game.
B shares with me the special name the gods call him, FuckLush.
I bail after the first half and head to M's to meet him and C for brunch before the museum.
We head to a cafe C has recommended, and wait for a table to free up outside.
I'm starting to feel a LOT of pain in my shoulders.
When both the boys offer me a seat while we wait, I decline.
(add that to the mistake column)
Finally get a table, finally get waited on, finally get some food.
None of us know the answers to the LA Times crossword.
Read the LA Weekly and find out that if we wait a couple of hours, the museum will be free. We decide to kill some time by heading out to the shops on La Brea.
We get to the museum a few minutes early, and decide to have a glass of wine.
I have a GREAT cab that I am sad to say I cannot remember who made.
It was a berry, cocoa, oak blend.
They have no cookies :(
It's cold.
Shoulders are starting to hurt REALLY bad.
Head into the exhibit.
Turns out C and I are both big fans of the Arts and Crafts movement.
It's a wonderful exhibit, filled with great examples of the movement in all aspects of design. Highlights for me are silver work from England, a stained glass cabinet from Ireland, a zoo enclosure from Budapest, an entire dining room (including table service and cutlery) all by a German designer, and all of the Frank Lloyd Wright pieces.
By the end I feel like I am carrying a 50 lb sack on my shoulders.
Back to M's-plans are set when to meet for R's opening, and I head home.
Call the 'husband' and ask if he has eaten, he wants ice cream.
Pick up ice cream, and decide to have a bit of a lie down before getting ready to go out. While laying down I feel one of my shoulders sort of slip, and then goes numb.
I try to sit up, and am in major pain. Lay back down for a few minutes, and try to sit up again. More pain.
S calls and says she is not going.
M calls and says she wants to go and is worried I am not going.
I start to worry for R.
I decide I am going to go, even if only for a very brief time.
Try to get up, and my shoulders are locked. I can't move them. I use my legs and abs to life myself, and feel like I am being stabbed over and over again.
Guilt and hurt make me start to panic and cry.
Somehow I find the cord to my heating pad and inch by inch am able to lace it through my fingers and onto the bed.
I pray that it is plugged in.
The light comes on!
I do a poor harp seal impression and sort of lunber on top of the heating pad.
The pain is getting worse.
I knock over everything on my night stand trying to find some sort of pain pills.
I can't sit up to drink anything, so I chew up some advil and try to remain as still as possible.
Some time later, the phone rings, and I can't reach for it.
Finally the pills, and the heat, offer me some escape, and I fall asleep.
Monday I wake up and am stiff and still hurting, but able at least to move with bearable pain.
I call the Dr and he advises to keep heat on my shoulders, take some more Advil, and to recap everything I did over the weekend.
He also advises me about sleep vs. out put. If I am going to start these new activities, I have to compensate for my body with more sleep and down time.

So I spend yesterday in bed, on a heating pad, with no appetite, and pangs of guilt that I did not attend R's event.
I don't even know how it went, because M has not returned my call.
I figure he is angry that I did not attend :(

Spent last night sleeping on the heating pad again, and awoke today feeling still better.
Now I'm sitting with a microwavable heating pack across my shoulders and trying to figure out what to do next.
Do I go ahead with my social plans for the week, or do I cancel plans and take it easy?
Should I push ahead with my plans, and try to condition my body to handle it all by adding more sleep, or do I forget conditioning and just not go out?

Friday, January 14, 2005

You Talk Good

Had another good day yesterday.
I'm begining to wonder if those months and months of bad days were all stemming from the same source of stress, or if all my recent days are so great now, because the stress is gone?
Does that make sense? Is that redundent? I'm not sure.

Looks like Carnival De Sade is off tonight, so we're looking for some other trouble to get in too.

Had a lovely dinner, lots of drinks, and stayed up late watching one of my fave movies with M last night.

One of the things that always stands out about the time M and I spend alone together is how much I enjoy our talks. If we're talking about something personal, something political, or something silly-he is a wonderful person to talk with.
I've missed discussion.
I think that's another element connected to my recent past. It got to the point where I was afraid to disagree, or even open up discussions. It would typically end up with my being yelled at, or talked at, or talked over. It makes for a very frustrating conversation when the other person makes such effort to not let you speak. It makes you not want to talk at all.
And that behavior is so out of character for me-


GIRLS WHO ARE BOYS
WHO LIKE BOYS TO BE GIRLS
WHO DO BOYS LIKE THEY'RE GIRLS
WHO DO GIRLS LIKE THEY'RE BOYS
ALWAYS SHOULD BE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVE


Girls Who Are Boys

I became one of those try to please little girls, and am still making my way out of the haze to my old self again.
I used to look at intimate relationships, and interactions in ways that some have described as more typical of a boy than a girl.
I set the parameters, I partook to the extent that I wanted, and enjoyed the moment.
I lost that in the past year and a half, trying so hard to help and please someone who now yells that he never wanted the help in the first place.
And now I have learned another lesson about myself :)
People are who they are-you can't change who you are to try and make someone else happy. I will no longer try and be what someone else wants me to be, and I will no longer alter my actions and reactions just to try and keep someone else in their happy place. That's not my job, and if this expierence is what it has taken for me to learn that lesson, then it was all worth it.

Who Like Boys to be Girls

Over dinner last night M and I talked about our circles and our friends.
We also mused over the fact that 90% of the men I am attracted too either know they are gay, or are gay and do not know it yet. My attraction may be an even more reliable tool than the famous gay-dar. If I am attracted to a boy, bets are he is gay. I can't help it. I LOVE pretty boys. Beyond the pretty factor, I also adore a man who is self assured. Straight boys are always trying so hard to figure out who they are, they usually lack a confidence beyond their projected exterior. Smugness or conceitedness are not cool.
And then of course sass is sexy.
All that being said, my number one crush of the moment is not gay, or even especially pretty. But he is wonderfully delicious :)

Who Do Boys Like They're Girls

As I'm starting to sink into my old skin, I'm missing connections that used to make me very happy. Harmless flirting that makes boys blush and giggle. Instigating kisses with boys who are sweet and shy. Wallowing in the attention and affection of a boy who is smitten. A boy who has no intention of possesing or having you, one that simply enjoys you, and is thrilled to have you enjoy him too. No soap opera-no drama-no after school special.

Who Do Girls Like They're Boys

So I guess I've realized I'm ready to meet some new people. Some boys who will not treat me like this thing to be contained, but rather as they treat their friends. Some boys who will not expect me to be the end all to if they are having fun out somewhere. Some boys who won't bully, who won't dictate, and who won't insist on domination of your attention when out in a group.
Some boys who will be friends, and value a girl like they value all the other important things in their lives. Treat someone with respect and regard, not push them under thumb, provoking self-inflicted feelings of obligation.
Not all boys treat girls unfairly, or with less than positive actions-but a lot do.
I need to stand by my conviction of accepting people for who they are-don't make allowances for behavior you don't like-move on from the behavior.

Always Should Be Someone You Really Love

You can't help who you love, or who you fall in love with.
And if someone does not love who they are, how will they ever recognize love from you?
But you can love who you are-and if you lose touch with who you are, you can always step back and find yourself.
However difficult that search and journey may be, I think the prize at the end is what makes it all worth the while.



In the News-

Some entertainment before the recap :)

http://news.agendainc.com/mt-agenda/content/archives/2004/11/post_23.html

From BBC News, "Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris has fenced off a famous tomb to prevent lewd acts being performed on a statue. The effigy of 19th Century journalist known as Victor Noir has long been popular with women visitors. This is partly due to his reputation as a romantic figure, and partly because of the effigy's design. Officials concerned about damage to the icon's groin area have erected a fence around the grave, and a sign prohibiting indecent rubbing. Noir - whose real name was Yvan Salman - was killed by Pierre Bonaparte, a great-nephew of the Emperor Napoleon, after bearing him a challenge to a duel. According to the story, he was due to get married the day after he was killed. The statue shows Noir in a frock coat and trousers lying flat on his back, with a distinct enlargement in the groin. The effigy has been held as an aid to love or fertility. It is said that a woman who kisses the lips of the prostrate statue and slips a flower into the upturned top hat will find a husband by the end of the year."(BBC)

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Man accused of using poodle as weapon

PONTIAC, Mich. (AP) - Prosecutors are seeking a new psychiatric exam for a man accused of swinging a poodle to fend off a sheriff's deputy during a traffic stop.

Girlamo Marinello, 37, of Macomb County's Shelby Township was charged last year with assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder, resisting and obstructing police and animal cruelty. He faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted. On Feb. 26, 2004, a deputy tried to stop Marinello for running a stop sign in Oakland Township. Marinello rammed the deputy's car and then got out of his vehicle, swinging the two-kilogram poodle on her leash, police said.

Marinello was scheduled to stand trial this month. But defence lawyer Judith Gracey told a judge Wednesday that her client was too mentally ill to understand his actions and should be acquitted by reason of insanity, the Detroit Free Press reported.

The suspect is at the state forensic psychiatry centre.

Assistant prosecutor Rob Novy agreed that Marinello is mentally ill, but asked for an independent mental examination before agreeing to an insanity plea.

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And then sad news that I missed seeing something so funny-

24 kids hurt in escalator accident at NYC movie theater

About 24 kids on a field trip to see "The Polar Express" were hurt on an escalator in a West side movie theater Thursday morning.
New York 1 News reported that around 11:30 a.m. Thursday morning, at a Loews theater at 68th St. and Broadway, the children fell on top each other.

It's not yet clear how the accident happened, but officials told the news channel that clothing may have become entangled in the escalator's gears, or the stop button may have been pushed.

"Kids are coming up the escalator, and the younger kids were in front,” one witness told NY1. “One of the kids fell, and it caused a chain reaction in which a bunch of kids fell on top of each other. I came out of the lobby area, and I saw a bunch of kids piled up 20 high.

"We stopped the escalator, and basically they were stuck. We pulled them out. There were a couple injuries. I think everybody is going to be OK.”

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Discovery of hidden laboratory sheds light on Leonardo's genius

Researchers have discovered the hidden laboratory used by Leonardo da Vinci for studies of flight and other pioneering scientific work in previously sealed rooms at a monastery next to the Basilica of the Santissima Annunziata, in the heart of Florence.

The workshop rooms, located between the Institute for Military Geography and the Basilica, contain frescos painted by Leonardo that have "impressive resemblances" to other examples of his experimental work. The frescos include a triptych of birds circling above a subsequently erased representation of the Virgin Mary that "constitutes a clear citation of the studies by the maestro on the flight of birds", the three researchers, Alessandro del Meglio, Roberto Manneschalchi and Maria Carchio, said yesterday.

An angel at the side of the fresco scene bears a striking resemblance to the angel in a painting of the annunciation attributed to Leonardo in the Uffizi Gallery, they added.

Leonardo's use of the rooms was referred to in letters written by Pietro di Novellara to Isabella D'Este and they were cited by Giorgio Vasari in his 16th-century biography, Lives of the Artists, they said.

"The finds are particularly interesting as they will help us to understand the context in which Leonardo was working in these rooms exactly 500 years ago," said Professor Alessandro Vezzosi, a Leonardo scholar.

The Tuscan-born scientist, painter, philosopher and poet was aged 51 when he returned to Florence in 1503 after many years in Milan, where he already had established his reputation, and a period of extended travel. (His first spell in Florence came when he was 17 and became a member of the painters' guild). The rooms he took in the 16th century were in a religious house run by monks from the order of the Servi di Maria - the Servants of Mary - in a part of the monastery set aside for renting to lay people as guestrooms.

Other notable figures who would take accommodation in the same monastery later included Andrea del Sarto and Franciabigio. Leonardo's second sojourn in Florence would last three years, during which his popularity grew dramatically and he painted classics such as the Mona Lisa.

Part of Leonardo's suite was walled-in after stables were built on an adjoining lot. Also discovered recently by the researchers was a previously unknown staircase dating back to 1430, which they believe was the work of the Florentine sculptor and architect Michelozzo di Bartolommeo. They also found paintings in a second-floor room, which they think are the work of the artist Morto da Feltre, who Vasari said was drawn to the monastery by the presence of Leonardo.

The discovery coincides with the opening in Rome yesterday of another major exhibit of 70 tables from Leonardo's Codex Atalanticus incorporating his visions of flying and other machines at Rome's Lincei Academy. "This will be the only chance many people ever get to see the Codex," said the exhibition's curator, Carlo Barbieri.

The tables on display are from the so-called Hoepli version of the Codex. Academics spent 15 years copying a reproduction of the original that was published in 1904 by the Hoepli publishing house. The exhibition displays Leonardo's designs next to working models of both his machines and modern machines. There are models of Leonardo's bicycle, his flying machine and his "car", driven by spiral springs contained within drums beneath the wagon, similar to a wind-up toy.

Academics believe the "car" was created for the entertainment of nobles at a Renaissance celebration, possibly for use as a kind of mobile stand for a theatrical prop.

Excitement over the Leonardo discoveries was marred by an announcement from the director of the Uffizi, Annamaria Petrioli Tofani, that she was leaving Italy to work in the United States and at the Hermitage gallery in Russia. She is leaving after 41 years at the Uffizi because authorities refused her request to postpone her retirement until the age of 70.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Updates and LOL links

To start your day with a laugh, read this supposed true essay handed in at a University on the epic Oedipus. "Planes, Trains, and Plantains: The story of Oedipus" submitted November 30, 2004.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/1

Then there is the 19 year old woman in Russia who is selling her virginity in an online auction.

http://funreports.com/2005/01/12/57814.html

and perhaps one of the best examples of irony

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/12/amish.accident.ap/index.html

May have pushed myself too hard at the gym yesterday-or maybe should not wear heels after pushing myself so hard at the gym. Either way I'm having leg circulation problems this morning. Happily though, thats the only fibro issues I've had the last couple of weeks.
I'm sleeping through the night, waking at exactly 8 hours, and starting the day feeling rested with no anxiousness.

Changes in stress and drama have an amazing effect on changes in your health and well-being. Not that everyone who is unwell is that way due to stress, just that I'm finding that the less stress there is, the better my body is doing at healing.
Have already spoken to the doctor this morning, and I am clear to start yoga.
Woo Hoo!

Plans-and yes I promise no Red Bull, and yes I promise to update any physical problems resulting from going out to play :)

Thursday-dinner and film with M
Friday is Carnival De Sade (if its not super fun we will head to Kittys)
Saturday morning is yoga then weight training and then brunch with R
Saturday night is dinner and drinks with C
Sunday is the driving range and then lunch with J
Sunday is opening night for R's new club
Monday-dinner and drinks with S & M
Tuesday is dinner and film with A
Wednesday-Qool with E
Thursday-dinner with M
Friday-Kittys with the kids

Also new possible trip to Mardi Gras in February, and then London-Paris-Dublin is in July.
How nice to actually be out and enjoying life again.






Wednesday, January 12, 2005

It's like Friendster-for Dogs :)

So I've made it to Wednesday!
Sleeping really well, feeling so much better than I have in months, and am happy to finally feel like I am back on track.
Distractions and drama-how nice to no longer have to worry about such things.

Saw a great documentary last night and ate food that was really bad for me.
That would be, "Rape in a small town", and buffalo chicken.

Were you a friendster fiendster?
Check out Dogster-
www.dogster.com/?106149

For those who think break ups could not get any worse-out of Liverpool...
A JILTED girl tore off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands - then popped it in her mouth, a court heard yesterday.
Amanda Monti, 24, grabbed Jeffrey Jones, 37, by the genitals in a rage after he refused to have sex.

She ripped off his left testicle leaving him in "excruciating pain". Monti, just 5ft 2in, then put it in her mouth to hide it.

The testicle was later found by a pal of Mr Jones who handed it back, saying: "That's yours." Doctors were unable to re-attach it.

The victim told Liverpool Crown Court how he had earlier ended their relationship but Monti refused to accept it.

After a party at his home in Netherton, she wanted sex but he was not interested. There was a struggle and she ripped off his shorts leaving him in his pants.



In other news,
Ali G dupes a rodeo crowd by singing the National Anthem and saying he hopes Bush drinks the blood of children
http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/16655.html


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Links and Lunacey

Apparently for $75 an hour, you can now rent your own midget-

http://www.rentamidget.com/

Thanks to G for the link- it turns out the Lizard King lives

http://www.rodeoswest.com/

and then there is James St. James' latest description of seduction that I felt compelled to share:
"And, you know – give me a pair of crotchless panties, a gallon of glitter lube, and a tank full of (non-electrical) eels, and I will have you on your knees, bitch, begging for more."

Do you like naughty sumo hippos? Then you will LOVE Kozo!

http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~alexann/

Yesterday there was more drama.
I've been told that I have the potential to be a good person-that's nice to know.
Have also been told that I ruined any chance of being friends because of this blog, and because of things that I have supposedly been saying, that were being reported by someone that couldn't be named.
There seems to be a lot of that-
Secret people going about repeating things I never said.
I'm not implying that it's all made up-simply recognizing yet another trend.

Had dinner and drinks last night at my place with S & M.
I should just leave that statement right there, because it made me laugh after I re-read it :)

185 days till London!

Lessons Learned-

If someone makes a promise to you about their own life in the future, once you are no longer involved with them, all promises that have been made are null and void.

People Talk. Apparently people you have never met, but know someone who knows someone who you have talked to at some point you don't remember, and heard you say things you have never said, will make their way to share these events that never occured. I'm not really clear on that one-I'll have to think more on it later.




Monday, January 10, 2005

no naked pictures

just to clarify-the picture that I previously posted about at being a naked photo is not a naked photo-I offended someone greatly by not correcting the info once I was told it was not a naked photo-
No intention to offend-
Hope that clears up any confusion

Friday, January 07, 2005

Boy George designs and declares

Turns out Boy George is now designing clothing-but like so many celebrities, nothing happens without first declaring how fabulous he is-

"B-Rude is my emotional rage, vicious optimism with a dash of tongue in chic' in fashion form. I design clothes for those who like their reputation to arrive in the room ahead of them. You don't have to be an attention seeker, however, attention seeking has become a bit of a crime, especially for gay men over the last decade.

The price of assimilation is a loss of identity and I for one long for some of that glorious 'rock n roll ambiguity. Add to this, the fact that straight male vanity has finally caught up with the 'queer' variety and there has been what can only be described as a 'hijacking of camp' by straight guys. Terms like 'meterosexuality' are being thrown around in a feeble attempt to explain why straight boys are spending longer in front of the mirror and why the queer boys are dressing like they have come to fix your plumbing.

'B-rude' is an attempt to throw yet another visual spanner in the works and further blur those boundaries which pigeonhole us all and prove nothing. Certainly we hope to attract the androgynous into our colourful closet but I'm also keen to see the rude logo popping out from a pair of worn Levi's. The devil really is in the detail.

“She was trying to explain fashion. I stopped her and said “There is no point to fashion”."

–Boy George

Check out the clothes here-

http://www.martyrmantras.com/imagestore/brudeminisite/clothes.htm

Thursday, January 06, 2005

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL

From the Weekly World News-

Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:

1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.

2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.

3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.

4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.

5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.

6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.

7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.

8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.

9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.

10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Lost Track :(

It sucks how one person can completely change your mood-about the day, and about yourself. And I let it happen-like I always used to.
I guess it's normal to slip-just have to dust off and start all over again.
Hate is a rather strong word, so I'm going to try and not use it.
That said-
I REALLY dislike it when someone who knows they can provoke emotions out of you, does it just for sport.
I don't like someone acting like they are sharing an emotional connection with you, and then once it's no longer fun, just turning it off.

I screwed up-shame on me.

Just have to try and be stronger going forward-can't blame anyone other than myself.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Moving Forward

Got a call today from the boy-while I was writing an email to him asking for permission to post the group photos he took of his website.
He called to ask when he could pick up his belongings from my place-
I'm happy he called
It gave me a chance to voice some feelings-
Feelings about his removing me from his friends lists after saying he wanted to be friends, and feelings about his posting naked pix of himself and advertising for new lovers after swearing if things did not work with us, he was going to no longer look for someone outside his home.
He addressed those things-sort of
and then I got sad :(
I knew he was out sleeping around-I expected it, thought I had dealt with it, and didn't expect that it would make me sad, but it did.
Ah Well-you can't control what makes you sad and what does not.
I need to keep in mind that I KNEW it would happen, and just go forward-
He seems happy, and that makes me feel better.
I also think I DO need to start accepting those invites I have been flattered to receive, but have not been accepting.
Not based on the fact that he is out there already with a new lover, but based on the fact that it's time, and has been time, for quite a while.
Maybe I just wanted confirmation that he was in a better place before I was ready to try and put myself in a better place.

Had fun on New Year's Eve-met lots of new people and had fun with the kids.
R was a delight and much much fun.
He should come out with us more often.
Also, R made my polar skirt, and it was wonderful!
Everyone looked festive in their winter wear, and a great and silly time was had by all :)
Happy and Healthy Wishes to everyone-