Friday, February 25, 2005

I TOLD you!




Who can argue with that?
:)
It's all based on numbers I think-the only thing they ask for is your birthdate.

Visit the site yourself here
http://www.celebmatch.com/birthdayform_898_Alan_Rickman.php

Thursday, February 24, 2005

THIS is the shit boys send you when they've been up all night and are trying to get you to talk dirty to them

http://www.inflash.com/display.php?num=23
Made by a friend on LJ



Snape is love fuckable

"How now gas man?"

So I get home tonight and find in my email the KOTH episode I've been longing to see for months now.

"Joust Like a Woman"





Some quotes from the episode-

KING PHILIP: We wage war on France on the morrow!
TEENAGER: That is so gay.

KING PHILIP: Listen to your shrew. In her nagging there is wisdom.

HANK: Well, I guess if they burn you at the stake, they'll be usin' my propane, heh-heh-heh. (to King Philip) You'll find it burns witches cleanly and evenly, and at a fraction of the cost of natural gas.
****************
For those who don't know, I have a tendancy to bet things SO assuredly, that I over bet.
If I sound confident to the point of trash talking, take the bet-I'm going to lose.

I'd been looking for this episode going on 3 months, had friends looking for it, and was even thinking of buying the DVD set for the season it appeared in just so I could own it.
Every night after work-for something like 10 weeks-

Before I'd feed the dog, listen to the answering machine, get the mail, or start getting ready to go out-
I'd scan the dish menu and see if it was going to be aired.

I'd written FOX asking for a schedule of future showings of the episode-
All to no sucess.

So then, frustrated that I'd had no luck, annoyed at the arrogance of a certain British prat, and prolly due in part to having consumed a couple fo glasses of wine, I accepted his bet that he would be able to find it before the week was up.

And the bastard has-

(I say bastard with love and affection of course)

Rather than sulk over my habit of losing bets-and formalities in this case-I'm going to celebrate my new present and watch me some KOTH.

Thank you to my Darling prat for once again feeding my addiction so sweetly.
xx

****************
KING PHILIP: If you are able to tilt me off my steed, then I will apologize to you and yon hag and purchase your gas. But if I should send thou tumbling to the dirt, then you and your gas will be banished from the kingdom, but not before your wife cleans the man-sweat from my blouse.

Weekly World News Updates 4 Horsemen adventures

BIBLE'S 4 HORSEMEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS IN PARIS
Book of Revelation's bad guys didn't know where the hell they were going, say cops!
PARIS - A funny thing happened on the way to Doomsday - the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got lost and had to ask for directions!

That is the wild story of a French police officer who claims that one of the fearsome riders trotted up to him on the roadside and sheepishly asked, "Do you know the way to Rome?"

"It was the one on a red horse, holding a broad-sword. I guess that must be the Second Horseman, the War guy," highway patrolman Michel Clenard told a Paris newspaper.

"I was totally taken aback. I mean, these guys are supposed to be determining the fate of all mankind - but they seem to have no Earthly idea where they're going. And I didn't know whether to point them in the right direction or send them on a wild goose chase."

According to prophecies in the Holy Bible, a warning sign that the end of the world is near will be the arrival of four mysterious horsemen, representing the major calamities that will plague man in the last days - war, famine, pestilence and death (Rev. 6:2-8).

The uncanny encounter took place 13 miles outside Paris on the highway from Dijon. Officer Clenard was assisting a female motorist whose auto had broken down on the side of the road, when he first spotted the hooded horsemen and their giant steeds.

"They had stopped on the other side of the road and they were arguing over their map about which way to go," said Officer Clenard. "I was concerned because cars were whizzing by really fast and the horses seemed like they were getting anxious."

Officer Clenard said eventually one of the horsemen was sent over to his patrol car.

"The guy seemed reluctant and when he got close enough for me to recognize him from illustrations in my Bible, I understood why," he said. "The guys are supposed to be these big, bad harbingers of doom - asking for help must have been humiliating."

Officer Clenard said the Second Horseman spoke in an antiquated form of French.

"I advised him to keep his sword sheathed and I gave him directions, but I'm not sure he got them right," the cop said. "When the riders took off, two of them headed the wrong way!"

and then the adventures continued to Texas

FOUR HORSEMEN KILLING THE COMPETITION - AT POLO CLUBS!
War, Famine, Pestilence and Death take on all comers THE BIBLE'S Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are causing problems again -- this time at a posh polo club in Texas.
According to eyewitness accounts, the fearsome foursome known in theological circles as War, Famine, Pestilence and Death took on all comers in several polo matches and won every chukker.

"They performed very well indeed," says one club member who has played with Britain's Prince Charles but called his experience with the bonnie Four Horsemen "incomparable even to that."

"They are superb horsemen and very fast to the ball. Of course, their appearance is very unsettling, but overall they did seem a splendid bunch of chaps."

Another experienced player says: "Pestilence in particular rode a superb mount that lasted throughout every game. The Four Horsemen didn't need a string of ponies, they did very well with just one horse."

While most have been gracious while discussing the matches, some observers have made it clear that to their way of thinking, the Four Horsemen had an unfair advantage and shouldn't have been allowed to compete.

"Are people seriously trying to argue that these guys are on an even playing field with regulars at a polo club in Dallas, Texas?" asks one fan. "I'm not going to raise a stink, but I do raise the question.

"Death on a Pale Horse riding against Joe Blow on a polo pony? I'm sorry -- for me, that just doesn't compute. Besides our guys were all dressed in regulation attire. These Four Horsemen looked like rejects from the World Wrestling Federation.

"It was all very lowbrow and distracting." The Four Horsemen have appeared on Earth several times through history -- usually before wars break out -- as prophesied in the Bible's frighteningly accurate Book of Revelation. They have been spotted with increasing frequency since the United States invaded Iraq, most recently at the polo club in Dallas.

Prior to that, they made sports page headlines when they brought fans to their feet after a hard-fought polo match in Sydney, Australia. They also won several horse races at an English track before throat-clearing officials quietly disqualified them for not registering in advance. Back in the United States, Kenneth Jones-Studemeyer of the East Dallas Polo Club shrugged off talk about the Four Horsemen being unfair competition and praised their ability to compete and compete well.

"They lived up to their reputations and to their fearsome names, just as they did in Australia and England," he says. "They dazzled and then crushed their opponents with superior horsemanship and finely honed playing skills.

"It was marvelous to watch them in action. We feel fortunate to have seen them perform. We have no way of contacting them. But I think I speak for everyone at East Dallas Polo -- they are welcome here anytime." Where the Four Horsemen will turn up next is anybody's guess, although at least one religious scholar believes it won't be far from a battlefield -- possibly in Afghanistan or Iraq. "President Bush is a Texan so the Four Horsemen coming here for a polo match makes sense," says one clergyman.

"I don't know for a fact that polo is played in Iraq or Afghanistan, but surely they race horses. I think everybody does that."

How to torture a Catholic girl

Today I got an email from someone that should be marking papers and prepping for his grant award ceremony tomorrow night.
Instead of doing what he SHOULD be doing, he was on his laptop looking for means of torture.
He didn't even WARN me about what the attachment was so I could brace myself.

Just a simple note-
"To help a nice girl on her journey to Purgatory..."

So then I open the attachment, and look what I find!



Damned Church of England and their insistant smiting of the Catholics!

Then when I wanted to go share the photo with my fellow AR freaks on LJ, someone else not only had this photo up, but several others to go with it!
*Mental Note*
Must see this new to DVD AR film where he plays a snarky priest!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Had a nice quiet evening at home with the family last night.
Feeling wonderful-some points are so great, that I doubt they could be any better.
So happy and feeling creative and inspired.
Finally writing again, have been offered a new internship, am just feeling like myself.
Still staying perhaps too busy on the social front, but am not feeling any after effects from all the play time.

Remaining Social Plans-

Tonight going to see a play with R
Thursday is M
Friday is Kittys with the kids
Saturday is NoBar with S
Sunday will prolly be golf in the a.m. then errands
Monday is finally that dinner date with the co-worker in town from Chicago
Tuesday is another 'chat date' with C
Wednesday is open (woo hoo!)
Thursday is dinner with Matt
Friday is Kittys or Bunker-with the kids

Hope everyone is doing well :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Prisoner of Azkaban in 15 minutes...

Cleo from LiveJournal wrote this :)

Some Dark Bedroom

HARRY: *plays with his wand in the middle of the night*

MR. DURSLEY: Stop playing with your wand in the middle of the night, boy!

HARRY: *won’t stop playing with his wand in the middle of the night*

CLEO: Uh…

THE LOVELY EMILY: Dude, I KNOW.



Aunt Marge Comes to Visit

AUNT MARGE: Carry my luggage, boy!

HARRY: …

AUNT MARGE: Clean my plate, boy!

HARRY: …

AUNT MARGE: Come back and listen to my insults, boy!

HARRY: …

AUNT MARGE: Your mother was a bitch!

AUNT MARGE’S GLASS: *explodes*

MR. DURSLEY: Oh, shit.

AUNT MARGE: …and your father was a drunk!

HARRY: I KEEL YOU!

AUNT MARGE: *spontaneously Violet Beauregards and floats away into the sky*

DUDLEY: *drools*

Five minutes later, Harry stomps down with his trunk packed.

MR. DURSLEY: YOU DEFLATE YOUR AUNT RIGHT NOW!

HARRY: FUCK ALL Y’ALL AND THIS POPSICLE STAND!

AUNT MARGE IN THE DISTANCE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!



Some Dark Street

Harry storms off into the night dragging his trunk, apparently having left his owl to the Dursleys’ tender mercies.

HP FANS: OMGWTFHEDWIG!

SOME DARK AND SCARY SWING SET: *swings*

SOME DARK AND SCARY SEESAW: *saws*

SOME SCARY BLACK DOG: Rrrrrr! Black dog, I’m a BLACK dog!

HARRY: Okay, maybe I didn’t think this all the way through.

The Knight Bus arrives, which is for some reason piloted by a legally blind man and a shrunken head. ON CRACK. Stan Shunpike heaves Harry’s trunk on board.

STAN: This ’ere newspaper says—

KNIGHT BUS: ZOOM!

STAN: —that Sirius Black is a psycho killer escaped from—

KNIGHT BUS: VEER!

STAN: —Azkaban, the terrible prison for wizards, and is dangerous and—

KNIGHT BUS: DEATH-DEFY!

STAN: —on the loose and one of You-Know-Who’s most faithful supporters and probably out looking for a boy wizard to kill!

HARRY [peeling his face off the window]: You done with the trip to the Department of Back Story?

STAN: Yeah, I think so. NEXT STOP LEAKY CAULDRON!



The Leaky Cauldron

CORNELIUS FUDGE: *has a Ministry of Magic office in the middle of a tavern for some reason*

HARRY: Hedwig! You made it!

HEDWIG: Love you too, bitch.

FUDGE: So! Harry! Bit of illegal magic there that we usually expel students for! No worries, all cleaned up, be on your way now!

HUNCHBACK: Mr. Potter! Saaanctuaaary!

HARRY: Y'all. Are such. Freaks.

HUNCHBACK: ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

HARRY: *runs*



Room 11, The Leaky Cauldron

Fudge has helpfully bought all of Harry's new school books.

THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS: *eats Harry’s face*
HARRY: I shall stomp on you and tie you up and name you Fizgig.

THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS: AHahAHahAHahAH!



The Leaky Cauldron, The Next Day

RON AND HERMIONE: *bicker bicker Scabbers plot point bicker*

WANTED POSTER: RAAAA! LOOK AT ME! I’M SO CRAZY! I’M CRAZY GARY OLDMAN!

MR. WEASLEY: Harry, there’s something I’m not supposed to tell you that I’ve gotta tell you.

HARRY: Okay, shoot.

MR. WEASLEY: Sirius Black is specifically coming to kill you. Promise me that whatever terrible and infuriating things anyone says, you won’t go after him.

HARRY: Should I ask follow-up questions about this?

MR. WEASLEY: Not unless you want to get down to the bottom of the mystery in the first fifteen minutes of the movie.

HARRY: Oh, okay.

WANTED POSTER: SO CRAZY!



The Hogwarts Express

MRS. WEASLEY [with Scabbers]: OMG RON! DON’T FORGET YOUR PLOT POINT!

HARRY: Guys, I have something really freaky to tell you! Shall we sit in the train car with the drunk sleeping under a coat?

HERMIONE: Sure, might as well.

HARRY: Rock. So, Sirius Black is coming to kill me and stuff.

WINDOW: *frosts over*

DRUNK’S BOTTLE: *freezes*

RON: OMG we’re going into a new ice age! Everybody start burning books!
SCARY SHRIVELED HAND: *pulls open door*

DEMENTOR: SHIIIIIRE…. BAAAAAGGINS….

KIDS: AHHHHHHH!

DEMENTOR: *dements*

HARRY: *pitches a spaz*

RON AND HERMIONE: Help! Somebody help!

DRUNK: …

RON AND HERMIONE: SOMEBODY HELP, GODDAMMIT! GO DEMENT THE DRUNK OR SOMETHING!

DRUNK LUPIN [leaping up]: I am no drunk! I am your pitifully mysterious new professor who takes his sweet-ass time coming to the aid of his new students! BACK, YOU DEVIL!

DEMENTOR: *flees*

LUPIN: Here, eat this chocolate.



Great Hall, Hogwarts

GROOVY NEW DUMBLEDORE: Many thanks to the Richard Harris Memorial Toad Choir for that lovely performance. Greetings, salutations, and what up: I will be your new Dumbledore this year, which I’m sure will be fabulous despite the presence of a few hundred undernourished ringwraiths on the premises. Hagrid will be taking over the Care of Magical Creatures class despite having no teaching credentials whatsoever, and also, we have a new teacher, Professor Lupin, to fill our cursed Defense of the Dark Arts spot. Good luck making it through the year alive, Remus!

SNAPE: *gives Lupin the stink-eye*

LUPIN: Oh, I feel at home already.



Gryffindor Boys’ Dormitory

The boys eat candy, roar like wild animals, and have a pillow fight.
DEMENTOR FLOATING AROUND HOGWARTS: I think I saw a porno like this once.



Divination Class

TRELAWNEY: Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! There is totally a big scary black dog following you!

HARRY: You get paid for this?

RON: Hermione! When’d you get here?

HERMIONE: Pshhhh, I was here the whole time. Also, this class sucks. Which I know, because I was here the whole time. My Ancient Runes class is a lot better.

RON: Wait a minute… aren’t Runes and Divination at the same time?

HERMIONE: …Yes.

RON: So how are you taking two classes at once?

HERMIONE: I’m not, stupid.

RON: Except… for the part… where you totally are…?

HERMIONE: …



Care of Magical Creatures Class

RON: Wow, Hagrid’s hut is in a totally different location than it used to be.

HERMIONE: Seriously, what up with that?

RON: AHHHH! YOU! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

HAGRID: Since Harry has the most experience dealing with weird shit, he can go first. Bow to the nice horsybird, Harry.

BUCKBEAK: *snuffle squawk gnash snort RAAAA!*

HERMIONE: *grabs Ron’s hand*

RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: YAY!

RON AND HERMIONE: COOTIES! AHHHHH!

After flirting with feathery death for a few minutes, Harry wins the hippogriff’s respect and gets an impromptu flight around Hogwarts.

HARRY: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

HALF THE AUDIENCE: He’s KING OF THE WOOOORLD!

CLEO: *eye roll*

HALF THE AUDIENCE: Okay, you think of a better joke.

CLEO: …

DRACO: OUTTA MY WAY, PLEBE, IT’S MY TURN ON THE HORSYBIRD!

BUCKBEAK: *administers a two-hoof beatdown*

DRACO: *cries for Daddy*

HAGRID: Lord. Tell Madam Pomfrey to pull out the smelling salts, I gotta bear Miss Malfoy here off to the fainting couch.

DRACO: Faster, plebe! I do believe I have the vapors!



Defense of the Dark Arts Class

LUPIN: All right, dementors suck, and I still can’t figure out why they’re picking on teenage kids who don’t look anything like Crazy Gary Oldman, so we’re going to learn about boggarts and how to laugh at them. Line up!

MUSIC: *is madcap*

LUPIN: So, Neville, what are you afraid of?

NEVILLE: Everything?

LUPIN: Besides that?

NEVILLE: Professor Snape.

LUPIN: Snape it is then! Make your fears funny and therefore harmless!

NEVILLE: *changes Snape into Drag Queen Grandma Snape*

DRAG QUEEN GRANDMA SNAPE: RUNS in my STOCKINGS? FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

RON: *changes giant spider into giant roller-skating spider*

PARVATI: *changes a snake into a GIANT SCARY CLOWN JACK-IN-THE BOX*

HARRY: Dude, you’re not helping.

LUPIN: Go on, Harry! I’m sure none of the things you’ve witnessed in your life would give the other students heart attacks at all!

HARRY: *conjures a dementor*

LUPIN: AHHH! CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!



Some Really Long Bridge on the School Grounds That Didn’t Exist Before This Movie

Everyone else has gone to Hogsmeade. Harry can’t, because the Dursleys suck.

LUPIN: So I knew you’d conjure something terrifying, which is why I stopped you.

HARRY: Except that… you totally didn’t.

LUPIN: Whatever. My point is, I thought you’d choose Voldemort for your turn.

HARRY: Well, then, that makes letting me have a whack at the boggart really stupid, now, doesn’t it?

LUPIN: …

HARRY: …

LUPIN: Here, eat this chocolate. You know, you look a lot like your father. Except that you have J.K. Rowling’s eyes.

HARRY: Awww, thanks.



The Portrait Gallery

THE FAT LADY: OMG MY PORTRAIT HAS BEEN SLASHED! DEFILED! THE SHAME!

MCGONAGALL: Sirius Black was trying to get to Harry Potter and kill him!

SCABBERS THE RAT: *looks away, whistling*

DUMBLEDORE: All right, everyone in the Great Hall for a sleepover!

FILCH: I think I saw a porno like this once.



Defense Against the Dark Arts Class

SNAPE: EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP.

CLEO: Dude, this is so totally how I would teach a class.

HARRY: Where’s Professor Lupin?

SNAPE: MOONING AROUND somewhere, I’m sure. In other news, today’s lesson is on WEREWOLVES. Can anyone enlighten the audience on the difference between a WEREWOLF and an animagus?

HERMIONE: Yes! A werewolf can’t help changing into an animal and doesn’t remember who he is, while an animagus chooses to change and can control himself.

SNAPE: Correct. FIVE THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

HERMIONE: I—but the—adda—wibba—

SNAPE: I want two rolls of parchment on WEREWOLVES by tomorrow, including what WEREWOLVES look like, how to detect WEREWOLVES in the faculty of a British boarding school for wizards, and the definition of the Latin word “lupus.” CLASS DISMISSED!

CLASS: *grumble grumble homework grumble*

DRACO (writing):
Mr. Harry Potter
Draco Potter
Draco Malfoy-Potter
Mr. and Mr. Malfoy-Potter

DRACO/HARRY SHIPPERS: YAY!

DRACO: *crumples up paper, starts over, sends over Origami Crane of Pigtail-Pulling*

THE NOTE:

Dear Potter,

HA HA!

EVERYONE ELSE: *leaves*

SNAPE [shouting after them]: WEREWOLVES WEREWOLVES WEREWOLVES!



Apparently the Only Quidditch Game Played at Hogwarts This Year

THE RAIN: *is torrential*

HARRY’S GOGGLES: *are sporty*

OLIVER WOOD: *is not there*

HP FANS: *grumble grumble like to polish his Biggerstaff grumble*

Harry ends up chasing the Snitch up into the stratosphere, where the Dementors show up, start dementing, and sucking Harry’s face until he falls off his broom and plummets to earth in front of several hundred shrieking spectators.

DUMBLEDORE: THIS IS NOT GROOVY AT ALL!



The Infirmary

HARRY: What happened?

RON: You fell a hundred feet and nearly died but Dumbledore, like, caught you with his mind or something.

HARRY: THE GAME, Ron.

HERMIONE: Uh…wekindalostdontblameyourselfHarry.

HARRY: Well, shit. Could things get any worse?

RON: Funny you should say that.

HARRY’S BROOM: *is dead from tree*



Harry and Lupin Take a Stroll Through the Woods

LUPIN: So… that bit about your broom sucks.

HARRY: Tell me about it.

LUPIN: Here, have some chocolate.



Some Snowy Courtyard

Harry mopes around in his invisibility cloak, trying to sneak off to Hogsmeade, but the Weasley twins catch him.

FRED: Merry Christmas!

GEORGE: Have a party!

HARRY: It’s…

FRED: An invisible map

GEORGE: to go with your cloak!

FRED: It has all

GEORGE: the secret passages!

HARRY: WOOT!



The Shrieking Shack, Hogsmeade

HERMIONE: You wanna come closer?

RON: Ew, you have cooties!

HERMIONE: To the Shack.

RON: The Shack also has cooties!

DRACO: Weasley and the Mudblood, sitting in a tree!

DRACO’S HAT: *sneers furrily*

CRABBE AND GOYLE: HA HA!

INVISIBLE HARRY: *wreaks snowy vengeance*

DRACO: *runs off crying for Daddy*



The Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade

Invisible Harry overhears his name and follows Fudge, McGonagall, and Madame Rosmerta into the Three Broomsticks.

THE AUDIENCE: Hey! It’s Brad Pitt’s goddess mom! Hi, Brad Pitt’s goddess mom! What are you the goddess of this time?
MADAME ROSMERTA: Back story. So, Minerva, what’s up with Harry and Sirius Black?

MCGONAGALL: Well, you’ll never believe it, but Sirius Black is actually Harry’s godfather because he was the Potters’ best friend but he totally sold them out to You-Know-Who and now he wants to kill Harry.

MADAME ROSMERTA: It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the mysterious nine-fingered death of Peter Pettigrew, could it?

MCGONAGALL: Shpfff, of course not.



Snowy Glade of Teenage Weeping, Hogsmeade

NO-LONGER-INVISIBLE HARRY: OMG HE WAS THEIR FRIEND! I KILL YOU DEAD, SIRIUS BLACK!

HERMIONE: I would give you a comforting hug, but… y’know, the cooties.

HARRY: S’aright. I have to practice my teenage rage for the next two movies anyway.



Lupin Teaches Harry Extremely Advanced Magic He Couldn’t Possibly Learn at This Age

LUPIN: So. The better the memory, the better the Patronus. Go!

DEMENTOR-IN-A-BOX: RAAAAAA!!

HARRY: *falls over*

LUPIN: No dice, Frodo. Think of something better.

HARRY: Well… I have this memory… actually it wasn’t a very happy memory, and really it wasn’t even a memory, it was just something I saw in a magic mirror, but…

LUPIN: Go!

HARRY: *produces a giant shield of light*

LUPIN: Wow! You held off a fake Dementor with a fake memory! Let's just assume that'll work with a real one!



Somewhere on the School Grounds

RON: YOUR CAT ATE MY RAT AND I HATE YOU!

HERMIONE: MY CAT DID NOT EAT YOUR RAT AND I HATE YOU!

HARRY: Y’all, get a room or something. Hagrid! What’s wrong?

HAGRID (sniffling): Buckbeak was SET UP and Draco is a LIAR and his father is a BAD BAD MAN and now Buckbeak is going to DIE!

THE KIDS: Oh no!

HP FANS: WAHHHHH!

HARRY: Dude, nothing’s even happened to Buckbeak yet—what’s wrong with you guys?

HP FANS: You keep talking about Luscious Lucius Malfoy and then we don’t even get to see him!

HARRY: …



Gryffindor Boys’ Dormitory

RON [in his sleep]: Spiders…spiders! Spiders want me to tap-dance and I don’t wanna tap-dance, Harry!

HARRY [looking up from map]: You tell those spiders, Ron.

NOTHING: *is funnier than that line*

HARRY [looking back at map]: “Peter Pettigrew,” WTF?

RON [in background]: Spiders… noooo… spiders… the centaurs have my money, please don’t make me tap-dance….



Somewhere in the Hall Outside the Dormitory

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *OMGSOCLOSE*

HARRY: NO ONE IS HERE!

SNAPE: POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

SNAPE: Hand it over. REVEALUS SECRETUS!

THE MAP: Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs kindly ask you to kiss this map’s ass.
SNAPE: FIVE MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

LUPIN: Hi, I’ll take that. Take your greasiness back to bed plzkthnx.

SNAPE: *sour face*

SOUR FACE: *looks like this: (X^( *



Moony’s Lupin’s Office

LUPIN: OH MY GOD TRAIPSING AROUND A DARK CASTLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A MAP THAT SHOWS ANYONE INCLUDING THE GUY WHO WANTS TO KILL YOU HOW TO FIND ANYONE INCLUDING YOU ARE YOU STUPID?

HARRY: *hangs head*

LUPIN: Oh, what the hell. Have some chocolate.



Divination Class

TRELAWNEY: Ooooo, ahhhhhh, I see lots of skepticism in your future, Miss Granger. Also, a book will be your date to the prom.

HERMIONE: FUCK YOUR COSMIC SHIT!

HARRY AND RON: *back away slowly*

CRYSTAL BALL: *also backs away slowly*

HARRY: Oh, hell, I’d better go take the crystal ball back to Professor Trelawney.

CRYSTAL BALL: Haaaaarry… Haaaaaarry…

HARRY: AHHH! Get out of my school supplies, Crazy Gary Oldman!

TRELAWNEY: TONIGHT THE DARK LORD’S SERVANT WILL RETURN TO HIS MASTER AND DEATH WILL STALK US ALL!

HARRY: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

TRELAWNEY: What? I said “Thanks for bringing back my crystal ball.”

HARRY: *runs for his life*



Rocks of Gigantitude

Draco Malfoy and his two goons congratulate themselves on getting Buckbeak sent to the big pumpkin patch in the sky.

HERMIONE: I KEEL YOU!

DRACO: *cries*

RON AND HARRY: He’s not worth it, Hermione!

DRACO: HA H—

HERMIONE: *punches Draco*

DRACO’S HEAD: *bounces off the rock with a beautiful THUNK*

CLEO AND THE LOVELY EMILY: YAY!

RON: I think I love you.



Hagrid’s Hut of Gigantitude

HAGRID [sniffling]: I can’t believe they’re gonna execute Buckbeak for laying the smackdown on Malfoy! Come on! We’ve all wanted to do that!

THE KIDS: Aww, it’s terrible, poor Buckbeak, really, it’ll be all right, etc.

HAGRID: Oh, by the way, Ron, I found your plot point. Looks like Hermione’s cat didn’t eat him after all.

A STONE: CRASH!

ANOTHER STONE: THUNK!

HARRY: Ow! What the hell was that?

HERMIONE: Dumbledore and Fudge and the executioner guy are coming! Run!



Hagrid’s Pumpkin Patch of Gigantitude

RON: Isn’t there anything we can do?

HARRY: Doesn’t look like it.

SOMETHING: *rustles in the bushes behind them*

HERMIONE: What was that?

HARRY: Nothing, just a plot point. Come on, we’ve got to get out of here!



Hilltop of Hippogriff Sorrow

EXECUTIONER: *chops something off-screen*

PEOPLE WHO DON’T READ THE BOOKS: OMGWTFHORSYBIRD!

THE KIDS: *hug threesomely*

ALFONSO CUARÓN: I think I directed a porno like this once.

SCABBERS: RON! I BITE YOUR THUMB AT YOU!

RON: AHHHHHH! COME BACK, SCABBERS!



The Whomping Willow

RON: Scabbers! There you are! What are you running away fr…

HARRY: AHHH! BIG BLACK DOG!

RON: Oh, shit.

HARRY: AHHH! WHOMPING WILLOW!

HERMIONE: Hey, didn’t it used to be on a totally different part of the grounds?

BIG BLACK DOG: *drags Ron and Scabbers into a hole under the tree*

RON: Ohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiii…..

Ten minutes later, after the Whomping Willow is done flinging Harry and Hermione around, they find a tunnel under the tree to...



The Shrieking Shack

RON: Help! Help!

HARRY: We’re coming, Ron!

RON: Don’t help! Don’t help! It’s a trap!

HARRY: *eye roll*

BIG BLACK DOG: *turns into Sirius Black*

HERMIONE: If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us first!

HP FANS: OMGWTF THAT WAS RON’S LINE! YOU CHANGED THINGS FROM THE BOOK!

LOTR FANS: What are you, new?

SIRIUS: Only one person will die tonight, but I will be vague about it so that you’ll think I mean Harry!

HARRY: BRING! IT! ON!

Harry jumps Sirius and gets his chokehold on.

LUPIN [rushing in]: Harry, no! EXPELLIARMUS!

THE KIDS: Lupin!

SIRIUS: Remus!

LUPIN: Sirius!

SIRIUS: Hug!

HERMIONE: Werewolf!

RON AND HARRY: What?

SNAPE: BLACK!

THE KIDS: Snape!

SNAPE: EXPELLIARMUS!

LUPIN: Noooo!

SIRIUS: Pettigrew!

THE KIDS: What?

SIRIUS: Map!

LUPIN: Dead!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SNAPE: Christ, you two bicker like an old married couple.
SIRIUS/LUPIN SHIPPERS: YAY!

SNAPE: ANYWAY. Dementors’ Kiss for you, Black, and I’ll have no more of this monosy—

HARRY [with Hermione’s wand]: EXPELLIARMUS!

EXPELLIARMUS: *for some reason does not just disarm Snape but throws him through the wall of the Shack*

RON: Oh, we are so fucked now.

HERMIONE: Professor Lupin! You were Harry’s friend, so I didn’t tell on you for the werewolf stuff, and now you’re going to turn Harry over to Black!

HARRY: Dude, you could have told ME!

SIRIUS: I don’t want to kill you, Harry! I want to kill your friend’s rat!

RON: WHY ARE WE SUDDENLY ON OPPOSITE PLANET?



Another Trip to the Department of Back Story

SIRIUS: No, no! Harry’s father and Remus and Peter and I were all best friends, except that Peter was kind of a wuss and so he went over to Voldemort and I had told Peter where the Potters were hiding because I must have gone stupid all of a sudden, and I found out Peter had gone bad and he cut off his finger to make it look like I blew him up and then he blew everyone else up and left me to take the rap after Voldemort killed the Potters and he’s been living as the Weasley family rat ever since! See, it all makes sense!

THE KIDS: …

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS AND LUPIN: *turn Scabbers back into Peter Pettigrew*

RON: Oh. My. GOD.

PETTIGREW: Ron! Help me! I was a good rat, wasn’t I? Remember all the good times we had?

SIRIUS: I think I saw a porno like that once.
RON: Y’all are SICK, man.

PETTIGREW: *grovels*

HARRY: You know what? Let’s not kill him.

SIRIUS: What?

HARRY: Let’s give him to the Dementors and let them suck his soul out through his nose.

SIRIUS: That’s my boy!



Outside the Whomping Willow

SIRIUS: I know I’m kinda scruffy and scary and all but, you know, I am your godfather and if you ever wanted to come live with me instead of your asshole relatives…

HARRY: Come. And live. With you?

SIRIUS: I know, I know… forget I said anything.

HARRY: The word I am trying to think of here is OH GOD YES PLEASE NOW.

A FULL MOON: *rises*

HERMIONE: Oh, shit.

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I’LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

LUPIN: *turns into Lupinwolf*

SIRIUS: Awwww, shit, Remus… *turns into Siriusdog*

PETTIGREW: *turns back into Scabbers and scampers for the hills*

SNAPE: *emerges to protect the kids, conveniently without ever having seen Pettigrew*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

FEMALE WEREWOLF: AROOOOOOOO!

EVERYBODY: WTF?

HARRY: *runs after wounded Siriusdog into the woods*



Somewhere in the Hogwarts Woods

Harry must conjure a Patronus before the Dementors suck off Siriusdog’s face.

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: *cries*

DEMENTORS: *dement*

PATRONUS: *finally gets off his ass and prances stagfully*

HARRY: Dad!

THE AUDIENCE: What? Where?

DEMENTORS: Run away! We are powerless against Bambi’s dad!

HARRY: *falls over*



The Infirmary

HARRY: You can’t let them take Sirius back to have his face sucked off! He didn’t kill my parents, Peter Pettigrew did!

DUMBLEDORE: …

HARRY: And then he turned into a rat and lived with Ron’s family for twelve years and turned back into Peter and then turned back into a rat and conveniently ran away so that no one can prove or disprove our story!

DUMBLEDORE: …

HERMIONE: You’ve got to believe us!

DUMBLEDORE [leaving]: Three turns, Miss Granger.

HARRY: Eh?

HERMIONE: He means the Time-Turner I’ve been wearing all year to turn back time and take extra classes.

RON [from hospital bed]: I KNEW IT!

HERMIONE: *pulls out a tiny hourglass on a five-foot chain conveniently long enough to go around two people*

HARRY: Does it have a flux capacitor?
HERMIONE: Shut up and let me chain you.

HARRY/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: YAY!

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *disappear*

THE REALLY CONFUSING PART OF THE MOVIE: *begins*



Rocks of Gigantitude

HERMIONE: *punches Draco*

DRACO’S HEAD: *bounces off the rock with a beautiful THUNK*

CLEO AND THE LOVELY EMILY: YAY!

RON: I think I love you.

HERMIONE: Dude, I think I love me too right now.



Hagrid’s Hut of Gigantitude

HAGRID: Oh, by the way, Ron, I found your plot point. Looks like Hermione’s cat didn’t eat him after all.

HARRY: Why are we not leaving? LEAVE, DAMN US!

HERMIONE: *throws stones*

A STONE: CRASH!

ANOTHER STONE: THUNK!

HARRY: Ow! What the hell was that?

HARRY: OW! THAT WAS MY SKULL, HOR!

HERMIONE: Come on, Buckbeak! Tasty ferrets! Yes! Into the woods! Hurry, before we find ourselves!



Hagrid’s Pumpkin Patch of Gigantitude

RON: Isn’t there anything we can do?

HARRY: Doesn’t look like it.

HERMIONE: Wow, my hair is a lot less frizzy in this movie.

HERMIONE: What was that?

HERMIONE: Duck!

HARRY: Nothing, just a plot point. Come on, we’ve got to get out of here!

HARRY: Come on, we've got to get Buckbeak out of here!

Outside Hut of Gigantitude:

FUDGE: OMGWTF!

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, Dead Hippogriff Walking’s gone, what a pity. Hagrid, break out the brandy plzkthnx.

HALF THE AUDIENCE: OMG ALCOHOL IN A CHILDREN’S MOVIE!

DUMBLEDORE: It’s the parents who need booze the most. Am I right?
PARENTS IN THE THEATER: Damn straight, you tell ’em Albus, testify!, snap snap snap, etc.

EXECUTIONER: *chops a pumpkin off-screen*



The Whomping Willow

LUPIN: *stops the tree, goes down into the tunnel*

SNAPE: *follows Lupin*

HERMIONE: Well, now I guess we wait.

HARRY: It was my dad, out there in the woods! My dad came and saved me!

HERMIONE: Your dad’s… dead, Harry.

HARRY: Shut up, hor.

A FULL MOON: *comes out*

HERMIONE: Oh, shit.

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I’LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

HERMIONE: You know, I think that counts as a marriage ceremony in Massachusetts now.

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

HERMIONE: AROOOOOOOO!

HARRY: Oh, wow, so that was you?

HERMIONE: Apparently.

LUPINWOLF: *comes for Non-Italicized Harry and Hermione*

HERMIONE: Didn’t think this through! Didn’t think this through!



Somewhere in the Hogwarts Woods

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *run like hell*

LUPINWOLF: *almost eats them*

BUCKBEAK: *delivers a four-hoof beatdown*

HARRY [grimacing]: Yow, right in the chocolate.



Somewhere Else in the Hogwarts Woods

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: All right, here comes my dad.

HERMIONE: Uh, Harry...?

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: Any minute now...

HERMIONE: Uh... Harry?

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: …

HARRY: *cries*

HERMIONE: Uh, Harry? I'm pretty sure you and Sirius are about to die here.

HARRY: Oh, goddammit--EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: *prances stagfully*

HARRY: Dad!

DEMENTORS: Run away! We are powerless against Bambi’s dad!

HARRY: OH MY GOD I'M MY OWN FATHER.
HERMIONE: I think I saw a porno like that once.



Some Astronomy Tower

Harry and Hermione take Buckbeak to go rescue Sirius from the tower, and decide that they apparently have time for a ride around Hogwarts rather than sending him straight off to escape.

HARRY: WOOOOO!

HERMIONE: WOOOOO!

SIRIUS: WOOOOO!

BUCKBEAK: HWUUUU!



Sirius Tells Harry Goodbye

SIRIUS: You look so much like your father…

HARRY: Yeah, yeah, might as well be looking at his reanimated corpse right now, I got it.



The Infirmary

HARRY: Hurry! The clock's about to strike!

HERMIONE: You’ve got to believe us!

DUMBLEDORE [leaving]: Three turns, Miss Granger.

HERMIONE: We can't go in yet! We're still in there!

HARRY: Does it have a flux capacitor?

DUMBLEDORE: *walks out into the hall*

HERMIONE: Professor Dumbledore! We did what you told us to do!

DUMBLEDORE [winking]: I have no idea what you're talking about.

HARRY: Wait… so you’re not going to hang around in the infirmary and explain the whole movie to us?

DUMBLEDORE: Night!

HARRY: Wow, New Dumbledore really is groovy.

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *disappear*

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *run back into the infirmary*

RON: You were—but the—adda—wibba—

HARRY AND HERMIONE [grinning]: We have no idea what you're talking about.

RON: *cries*



Lupin’s Office of Woeful Packing

HARRY: Well, basically we’re right back where we started, which sucks.

LUPIN: Except for the part where you saved the lives of an innocent convict and an innocent Malfoy-mashing hippogriff.

HARRY: Yeah, but I still have no broom, no teacher, no godfather, and no parents.

LUPIN: Here, have some chocolate.



Great Hall, The Next Day

HARRY: OMG A FIREBOLT! THIS BROOM IS SO AWESOME IT ALMOST MAKES UP FOR HAVING NO TEACHER, NO GODFATHER, AND NO PARENTS!

HERMIONE: Look what was attached to the broom, Harry!

HARRY: Oh, wow! A feather from that hippogriff, whose escape we know NOTHING ABOUT.

HERMIONE: Yes! And according to my book here, a hippogriff feather means “Greetings from an escaped convict”!

HARRY: Yay!

RON: And I hear they're actually going to let us play Quidditch in the next movie, too!

HARRY: WOOT!
PEOPLE WHO READ GOBLET OF FIRE: *facepalm*

Harry zooms off on his new broom with the movie ending on a close-up of his artfully blurred face, perhaps to suggest in the language of cinematic metaphor that this time he is rendered blurry with happiness.

Or that the camera guy can't hold the lens still. Something.


FIN.

© 2004 Cleolinda Jones. All rights reserved. cleolinda.livejournal.com
http://www.livejournal.com/community/m15m/2237.html
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
Hunter S. Thompson

He was one of the American writers who made me want to write.
He was painfully honest, obsessively interactive, and a profound pen man.

I've thought about writing some sort of RIP piece, but have instead decided to celebrate what he did best.

"We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

Then it was quiet again. My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. "What the hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough."

Monday, February 21, 2005

Ah yes, I remember it well

As I sit here, having just had another 'chat date', I am reminded how music ties memories and feelings together in a way completely different than anything else.

Someone can tell you they had just heard some particular song, and you are instantly reminded of THAT night, when THAT happened, and THAT song was on.
I can't think of anything else that connects in quite the same way.

Like just now, when he said he was listening to 'Passengers', and did I remember that night in the library courtyard?
Not only did I instantly know the night to which he was referring, I remember the rain, and the cold, and him being grumpy with me because I insisted on going out to smoke.
We were allowed to stay in the library after hours while we went through Oscar's personal letters.
He had brought his mini CD player, I had brought my Passengers CD.

Out there, in the cold, smoking my colored Dunhills, dancing in the rain and watching him try his best to look grumpy while 'Always Forever Now' was echoing between the book stacks and out into the courtyard where a rather silly and very rain soaked American just HAD to have a ciggie.
And all he had to bring up was the album, and I knew what he was remembering.
Ah the power of song.

So this is what people do in the 21st century.
They have 'chat dates' and screw up their sleep patterns due to differences in time zones-to remember, and to flirt, and to test still waters.

You talk about normal stuff-

How was your day?

Mine-fun-went to the Fashion Institute to see the exhibit on Oscar nominated costumes and had lunch with friends.
His-productive-found out today he's been awarded a grant, and a paper he wrote on aestheticism and decadence is going to be published.
(Must read the paper ASAP)

How is the weather?

Mine-chilly and raining-
His-cold and rainy with some snow

What did you do this weekend?

Mine-Thursday went to a club opening, Friday didn't feel well and stayed home, Saturday went to a bitch and stitch, then a b'day dinner, and a ho down, Sunday went to a friends club for dancing and silliness.

"Were you the ho who was down?" he asks.
"Not quite-but I did get down a bit :)"

His-had a date Friday that did not go well-she does not read, she started the date by saying she expected to be married and pregnant by the end of the year, and she picked a fight with a woman who asked him if he had a lighter. Saturday he went to London for an art opening and stayed over till Sunday with friends and went to see a film.

Then the talk turned to indulgence-he asked what I did to celebrate AR's b'day-
I told him we all drank a 'Snape's Lust Potion' at midnight, and other than that I've had some films on in the background and added a few birthday graphics to my webpage that some friends made and sent me.
I teasingly asked him what he did to celebrate, and he said he sent me a present.

"I get presents for HIS birthday?"
"All the way from London my Dear"
"Is it bigger than a breadbox? Or smaller than a carat?"
"You'll have to have a look and report back."

That's all the hints he was willing to give me.
Few things drive me as mad as being told I have a present but not being given the present.
Until it arrives I will be distracted trying to figure out what it is-and he knows this-which just frustrates me all the more.

I'm struck by the thought of how amazing the world has become in just the day to day routine of life. A few short years ago it would have been unthinkable that friends could connect, for no extra long distance charges, for hours at a time, and for all practical purposes, have a 'date'.
"Rather marvelous this chat option, don't you think?" I ask.

We fall into a discussion about not only the way the world has changed, but how the world can be a funny place.

You set off on a new chapter, or adventure in your life, with no concept or idea what is really in store for you.
I went back to Ireland, expecting an adventure and personal growth.
And here it is years later, after an unexpected literary liaison, far wiser for the lessons learned, and with the magic of email and the bravery of an old friend to look someone up, am experiencing the marvel of modern technology being abused for all its humanistic opportunities.

Before I let myself get too abusive, I fet reflective.
I've always been someone to point out that relationships end for a reason.
People don't just break up.
While it is easy to forget those reasons because you miss someone, my recent history is testament that you really should not only accept the end, but remember why endings happen.
Not to say you can't be friends with people you have good reason to no longer be in a relationship with-I think if there was really something there in the relationship in the first place, you should remain friends.

What I think makes the world a funny place is that, without the advances of technology, two people on opposite ends of the world who ended things, are now able to try to be friends again.

"Why DID we end things?" I ask.
"WE didn't-YOU did-you told me you'd had enough, so I left."

"I was getting confused-part of me thought you were not taking it as serious as it could be, and part of me thought you were taking it too serious. You didn't have to listen to me", I offer. "You could have tried to clear things. You just gave up."

"I didn't just give up on you, or us. You made it clear you didn't want me anymore. You went in to hospital, and you yelled at me when I tried to take you home with me to take care of you." he reminds me.

"I still don't like to let people take care of me-it was nothing personal", I confess.
"and now I know not to take it personally :)"
"I think you might be being a bit too charming there-you should watch yourself-I may get distracted."
"Distraction is a bad thing?" he asks.
"perhaps. When it's after midnight your time."

In the midst of this new style of dating I went to put clothes in the dryer, and he proposed we each have some wine.
Interesting that when you date via the internet chat world you can also do your laundry. Another bonus is you don't have to look cute-

When I get back to the keyboard I ask that typical one-handed question, "so what are you wearing?"
"You'll make fun of me." he says.
"Probably-but indulge me."
"a turtleneck sweater and a tweed jacket-what are you wearing?"
"hang on-give me a chance to make fun of you!"
"nice"
"I'm Kidding!"
"so?" he asks.
"mix-matched PJs with big house slippers and my hair pulled back in a ponytail"
"sexy! too bad we don't have webcams. Why are your PJs mix-matched?"
"I already told you I'm doing laundry-its what ever is left on laundry day."

Hell-this may be the dating of the future!
I'm in my PJs, I didn't have to shave my legs, I'm having great wine, and getting domestic stuffs done all at once.

"Do you put away your laundry now that you're a respectable 32 year old?"
"Whose respectable?" I ask.

While we were working together on the Wilde research project, he was blessed with the misfortune of sharing his flat with me.
Of course it didn't start out that way. I had a dorm on campus, and he had his flat. Eventually I spent less time in the dorm and more time at his flat-like you do-but I quickly learned that one thing proper English gents have little patience for is a 'Texas Tornado' that does not put her washing away.

I'm embarrassed to admit, "nope-it just goes right from the laundry basket into the hamper"

The things people remember about relationships.

He didn't ask something romantic, or endearing-Didn't ask if I still like to be read Byron while I take a bubble bath, (which would be nice to have someone do), or if I still like fresh flowers with my Sunday brekkie (which I do)-no. He asks if I put my laundry away.
Not to be out done I ask him-

"Do you still read The Sun every day then bitch about what a horrible excuse of a publication it is?"
"It IS horrible.", he says.
"Yes, I know."
"yes I still read it-I can't help it. It's in our make up."

"What else is in your makeup?" I ask.
"Staying up far too early in the morning, trying like mad to come off as charming, and wishing you fancied someone on the same continent as you."

"yeah-we get that over here too :)-but hey! buck up! You play your cards right and you could be married with a pregnant wife by the end of the year!"

"Not the least bit amusing." he assesses.

"but oooh SO funny! :)" I correct.

"I don't want a pregnant wife by the end of the year"

"and what DO you want Darling?"

*long pause*

"you there?" I ask.

*more long pause*

"you ALWAYS do this! Where have you run off to now?"
"hello?"
as is typical for this new dating, I'm getting annoyed by a lack or reply.

"wait-I'm looking something up"
"ok-ask me again ;)" he says.

"ask you what? ask you what you want?"

"yes"

"okie-and what DO you want Darling?" I ask again.

"Don't want to lose my shirt
Don't want to dig the dirt
Don't want you to get hurt
Can't help that I'm a flirt

Don't want to take your drugs
Don't want to be your slug
Don't want to overdress
Don't want to make a mess
Don't want you to confess
Not under duress

Don't want to be untrue
I want to be with you

Don't want to lose my nerve
Don't want to clothe the curve
Don't want to make you swerve
Don't want what I deserve
Don't want to change the frame
Don't want to be a pain
Don't wanna stay the same"

"wow" is all I can manage

"Do you remember?", he asks.

"oh yes-well done."

Happy Birthday!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Interesting Conversation

So this morning I had a "chat date" with my friend across the pond, and we got into a discussion regarding marriage.
Reasons why I think marriage dosen't work, reasons why he thinks it could/does, and lists of what makes a good marriage.

My thought process was as follows-

There is no reason to get married.
If you care for someone, more than anyone else, why not just be with them?
A legal declaration would have no power to keep one from straying, and would not make someone want to be with someone if they no longer cared for them.
So why get married at all?
Why not just enjoy your life together, as long as you both choose, and not get involved in the financial and legal ramifications that a wedding includes?
Just celebrate caring for eachother and enjoy being.

He feels that if two people care for eachother, a declaration of that feeling is part of the celebration.

"It's not about legalities or finances-it's about love-but not being IN love.
Being in love comes and goes-its love that stays, and love that should be nurtured and protected and declared."

"Ah ha!" I interject-
"But when do you know it's that sort of love, and not just being IN love, or IN lust, or IN whatever you think is love?
What if you THINK it's love, you get married, and it turns out to be of the lust or in love variety, and now you have a mess once the lust ends, or being in love has come and gone?"

"Simple", he says, "you marry someone you love, not someone you're in love with."

"So what does that mean?" I ask. "You marry someone there is no passion with, but who you care for?"

"Not at all. You want passion, and you want truth, and trust, and beauty, and all those ideals. You just don't give into any of them until you know its real."

I warn/ tease him, "I'm going to have to cut and paste this into my blog-just so you know :)"

"Guess I should mind my language"

"Sooooo?" I ask, "how do you know when its real-how long do you wait to confirm?"

He begins to explain:

"At the start you don't marry before you know who you are-all these knobbers rush off to marry the first person they have an adult relationship with and they spend the rest of their lives resenting it."

"How long do you think it takes someone to know who they are? 25? 30? 35?"
Here there was a long pause-
"Hello?"
"Still there?"
I'm starting to be annoyed...
Finally an answer-

"Sorry. Went to find a quote to support all this, allow me a moment to write this out"
'Resolve to be thyself: and know, that he Who finds himself, loses his misery.'"

"and who said that?"

"Matthew Arnold"

"So you're saying it's not at a particular age, but once a particular wisdom is gained?" (I'm trying to make sure I understand the point of that quote)

"Exactly"

"and have you gained this wisdom?", I ask.

"I'm beginning to think so"

"and the wisdom is that you marry someone you love, who you are not in love with, but that you have passion and beauty with? Could you simplify that a bit?"

"You marry someone you may have been IN love with at one point, but now you know you love. Someone that passion is there with, but there is also a friendship. Once you know who you are, and what you need and want, you pick a mate who shares the same motivations and understandings."

"and do you wait till you know yourself before you start dating to find this friendship?" I ask.

"no-the dating and living is what helps you get to know who you are. That's what's wrong with people getting married so young. They marry before they have lived and before they have learned. They are picking someone to spend their life with, when they don't even know who they are yet."

"I think I know who I am now."

"I think you do too."

"Do you think you know who you are now?"

"I do. It's taken me a little longer than you, but I think I do."

Long Pause

"IF you were to take a husband, what would your list be?" he asks.

"A list of who I would take as a husband?"

"NOT Alan Rickman! Not that kind of list-a list of qualities or expectations."

"I wouldn't marry Alan Rickman" I try to defend, "I'd just enjoy him."

"Fine-but if you were to marry-what would the list be?"

"Someone intelligent, makes me laugh, I can talk too, values my opinion, honest, well-read, enjoys my independance, encourages my development, travels, secure in who he is, not looking for Mommy, does not want kids, likes dogs, trusting, ummmm"

"Looks?"

"to a degree-but if all the other things were in place I'd find them sexy anyway-so looks aren't really an issue-though I would want someone I enjoy looking at-and someone I want to kiss"

"Interesting"

"how so?"

"dogs but no kids?"

"absolutely! :) -so come on with your list" ,I say.

"She needs to be self assured. Someone who can walk into an event and not feel that she is out matched. She should always be interested in learning new things and be capable enough to participate in discussions with me and my colleagues. Someone who is comfortable with time on her own, and who understands that my life involves hours in libraries and hours of research. She would be well-traveled and willing to go somewhere new for weeks at a time if need be. Someone who will laugh at herself, and not mind if I laugh at her too. She can handle herself in different social circles, and does not expect me to spend all of my free time with her."

"Thats a rather specific list!"

"Life's lessons my Dear :)"

"So you've dated women in the past who have taught you that these are now important qualities to you, and because you now know who you are, you can recognize that?"

"Yes."

"Got it-so now you just need to find a friend, who has all of these qualities, who you have some passion with, and who is of like-mind. It all seems very logical, but how likely is it?"

"I guess I'll find out."

"guess so"

So now my blog reader, comes my question to you-
Is this type of process the answer to marriage?
Is this why arranged marriages work? List whats most important, and let like minds and shared values be the basis of a future?

I'm not sure how I feel about it all now-
Thoughts?

To forgive divine?

Nuns suspended for going on wild Club 18-30 holiday
Twelve American nuns have been suspended from their convent after going on an alcohol and sex fuelled holiday.

The women, all aged between 22 and 31, went on the Club 18-30 holiday without telling anyone where they were going.

On returning from the debauched break last week and immediately found themselves in hot water with the mother-superior.

During the trip it has been claimed the nuns slept with a total of 43 men between them on the two-week trip.

When quizzed about where they'd been every single one of the holy women confessed to what they had been up to.

Amazingly the 12 ladies tried to excuse their behaviour by claiming they wanted to experience sin.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Recaps and Fun

Not sure how long its been since I updated personal stuff here-
Went out almost too much the last week or so-but have been having a great time.
Starting to have probs sleeping-but I think thats from getting used to staying out late night after night, then trying to go to bed before midnight.
It just did not work last night.
Thursday was Ryan's b'day and he enjoyed his Krispy Kreme cake :)
Friday we went to Kittys for the annual Black Heart Ball-we were all different shades of cupid-pink, black, green, white, silver, and red.
Had MUCH fun.
Saturday we went to Universal Citywalk for lunch and shopping.
Sunday we had the BarSluts V-Day brunch, and then went to the Huntington.
Had a lovely time walking through the gardens and petting fish-literally.
Valentine's Day was very fun-
Definate theme in the items I received-
My 2 favorites were a card that Ryan made that read, "with me you're Slythern" on the inside, and a very sweet email Colin put together that had all sorts of fun things attached-including some candy hearts that were reworked to read Prof Sn8p :)
Got into work today, and waiting for me (I did not work yesterday) were flowers from a co-worker in Chicago. Good thing is that since he did not hear back from me all day yesterday thanking him for the flowers, he scheduled a meeting just so we could have a nice long chat on the phone today.
Even more fun since he knows its all about the voice for me anyway-
Boys can be such fun :)

Tonight am going out to the driving range and to dinner-
Wednesday is the film fest
Thursday is Industry
Friday will prolly be Bunker with Ryan
Saturday I'm dateless so may actually hide out-
Sunday is Ryan's club
Monday is Polyfonic Spree
Tuesday I hope will be the driving range
Wednesday is Kyle's play

Whew! :)
Hope you all had a fun weekend and Valentine's Day-

Come clean with your confessions-

or read what others have done...


http://www.comeclean.com/

Wish List

Some fellow bloggers have asked that I also post my top 10 "wish list"
These are posted in order :)

Alan Rickman


Ewan McGregor


Jude Law


Jonathan Rhys Meyers


Joseph Fiennes


Eddie Izzard


Johnny Depp



Gary Oldman



Alan Cumming



Dave Navarro

Monday, February 14, 2005

xx Colin

Just got off the phone with Colin who said all that he wants from me for Valentine's Day is a mention on my blog-
So to show just how much I miss him and how thrilled I am to know he misses me-
AND to make sure he gets his ass out of Oxford and into London I'll mention him here, and thank him ever so for his sweet Valentine.

Tis a strong desire that will woo across the sea-

and yes Dear, that video was JUST the thing to make me smile, and no, without your email I would not have known it made you think of me so many months ago :)

"Don’t ever think you saw the best in me
There’s a side you’ll never know
Cos love and loving are too different things
Set your sites far too low

Now I’ve got someone who cares for me
He wrote my name in silver sands
I think you know you’ve lost the love of your life
(and you said) I was the best you’ve ever had"

Ah that I am suddenly so transparent-
Thanks for the sweet words, the lovely images, and for missing me.
I'll meet you at the Westbourne Tavern in 151 days.
And I'm sure you'll be thrilled to know that I am now officially going to be late for my Valentine's date-you sod!
Now stop reading this and mark some papers!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Far too busy a social week the past week-
too tired to update on the weekend and other silliness.
Off to get ready for my Valentine :)

xxoo

Friday, February 11, 2005

Ikea at knife point

My friend B from London wrote me this morning to complain about the press coverage of the royal wedding, and about the madness that was the Ikea sale.
He says folks queued for 18 hours, and abandoned their cars on the freeway and started walking because traffic was so bad.
All this for a disposable furniture sale?
He also included a link to an article from the Sun about the sale that I will share here-

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005062977,00.html




He also sent this bit of silliness-

http://www.clean-your-screen-for-free-now.com/

Congrats to B for doing so well writing for WOW :)

Death of a Playwrite

Playwright Arthur Miller dead at 89

ROXBURY, Connecticut (AP) -- Arthur Miller, the Pulitzer prize-winning playwright whose most famous fictional creation, Willy Loman in "Death of a Salesman," came to symbolize the American Dream gone awry, has died, his assistant said Friday. He was 89.

Miller died Thursday evening, said his assistant, Julia Bolus.

His family was at his bedside, she said.

His plays, with their strong emphasis on family, morality and personal responsibility, spoke to the growing fragmentation of American society.

"A lot of my work goes to the center of where we belong -- if there is any root to life -- because nowadays the family is broken up, and people don't live in the same place for very long," Miller said in a 1988 interview.

"Dislocation, maybe, is part of our uneasiness. It implants the feeling that nothing is really permanent."

Miller's career was marked by early success. He was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for "Death of a Salesman" in 1949, when he was just 33 years old.

His marriage to screen star Marilyn Monroe in 1956 further catapulted the playwright to fame, though that was publicity he said he never pursued.

In a 1992 interview with a French newspaper, he called her "highly self-destructive" and said that during their marriage, "all my energy and attention were devoted to trying to help her solve her problems. Unfortunately, I didn't have much success."

"Death of a Salesman," which took Miller only six weeks to write, earned rave reviews when it opened on Broadway in February 1949, directed by Elia Kazan.

The story of Willy Loman, a man destroyed by his own stubborn belief in the glory of American capitalism and the redemptive power of success, was made into a movie and staged all over the world.

"I couldn't have predicted that a work like 'Death of a Salesman' would take on the proportions it has," Miller said in 1988. "Originally, it was a literal play about a literal salesman, but it has become a bit of a myth, not only here but in many other parts of the world."

In 1999, 50 years after it won the Tony Award as best play, "Death of a Salesman" won the Tony for best revival of the Broadway season. The show also won the top acting prize for Brian Dennehy, who played Loman.

Miller, then 83, received a lifetime achievement award.

"Just being around to receive it is a pleasure," he joked to the audience during the awards ceremony.

Miller won the New York Drama Critics' Circle's best play award twice in the 1940s, for "All My Sons" in 1947 and for "Death of a Salesman." In 1953, he received a Tony Award for "The Crucible," a play about mass hysteria during the Salem witch trials that was inspired by the repressive political environment of McCarthyism.

That play, still read by thousands of American high-school students each year, is Miller's most frequently performed work.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

More Gay Penguins

For those who don't know-
Sea World San Diego has a pair of male penguins that have been together for something close to 10 years now (I think)
There are female penguins in the exhibit with them, but every year while all the penguins are doing their dances and trying to attract mates, these two male penguins always stick together.
And yes they mate.
Another amusing point-every year they pick a den-just like a M/F pairing would do.
And every year they have to fight off every other pair in the enclosure, because as we all know, gay males always have the best apartments :)
So anyway-
The pair of love birds were something of a sweet oddity and an interesting point of discussion any time it was brought up in the zoo communities.
Now today it turns out that a zoo in Germany has asked a zoo in Sweden to send over some female penguins-
Why?
Because they now have boys picking boys too!
Here's the press clipping-

Zoo tempts gay penguins to go straight

A German zoo has imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight.
The four Swedish females were dispatched to the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen after it was found that three of the zoo's five penguin pairs were homosexual.

Keepers at the zoo ordered DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks.

It was only then they realised that six of the birds were living in homosexual partnerships.

Director Heike Kueck said that the zoo hoped to see some baby penguins in the coming months.

She said that the birds had been mating for years and one couple even adopted a stone that they protected like an egg.

Kueck said that the project has the support of the European Endangered Species Programme because the penguins, which are native to South America, are an endangered species.

A biologist will be on hand to monitor the experiment.

But introducing the Bremerhaven penguins to their new Swedish friends may not be as successful as hoped after earlier experiments revealed great difficulties in separating homosexual couples.

In case they show no interest, the zoo has also flown in two new male penguins "so that the ladies don't miss out altogether", Kueck added.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Something to have fun with :)

http://www.gizoogle.com/

Gizoogle yo!

Just type in your search-

Here's an example-I typed in Alan Rickman and here are some of the webpage descriptions :)

Alan Rickman - Filmogrizzle Awards, Biography, Agent, Discussions, Photos, News Articles, Fan Sites . Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ... Alan Rickman . Slap your mutha fuckin self. ... Alan Rickman & motha fucka. Email this page ta a friend . Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ...

Tha origin of all Alan Rickman sites. Includes a Biography ... in itself, etc. The droppin hits. "Unoffizzles. ALAN RICKMAN . Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Fan Page with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Updated August 2, 2003 in all flavas. ...

Tha Alan Rickman Fanlist'n has MOVED AlanRickman-Fizzles Pleaze change yo bookmarks . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house! avada-kedizzles bustin'.

re hittin that booty: ALAN RICKMAN, tha Rickmanista Review - reviews of Alan Rickman's wiznork written by tha F-to-tha-izzans, fo' tha fans cuz Im tha Double O G. Tha Rickmanista Review. Tha #1 Haptic Website . Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air! ...

Monday, February 07, 2005

Weekend Recap

Ended up having a mostly quiet weekend for a change-
Ran some errands, watched some AR, and practiced a little on my swing :)

Slept lots-which is good.

Went to a Super Bowl get together on Sunday-ate tons of crap-drank lots of cider, and had a wonderful wonderful time with great friends.

Don't ask if you can steal something-just take it.

Went out with AB tonight (what's with all the boys with an A initial?)
Went to the driving range, and then went to dinner.
Also met a new friend who while not my type, I may go out with-he's obviously smart, and seems charming. :)

Aren't crushes wonderfully fun things?
I'm still giddy and school girl silly-
Thanks to S for being so very sweet :)

Going out with M on Tuesday-
Thursday is R's b'day
Friday we think we are heading to Kittys

Feeling very well-mood is beyond good, and got home to a lovely surprise to make a silly gal like me smile herself to sleep.

Couple of quick bits till I update-

Zombie Infection Simulation v2.3
A website that shows just how quickly zombies can take over the city you create-

http://kevan.org/proce55ing/zombies/

And yet another example of Americans being more self-serving-
In the UK HALF the population does volunteer work-thats about 26 million people

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1406905,00.html

Friday, February 04, 2005

How much of a literary geek are you?

You're a literary minded as the Bard himself!
You are a complete literary geek, from knowing the
classics (even the not-so-well-known classics
and tidbits about them) to knowing devices used
in writing, when someone has a question about
literature, they can bring it to you and rest
assured; you know the answers.


How much of a literary geek are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Harry Potter Alter Ego?

You scored as Severus Snape. Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certainly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.

Severus Snape

80%

Remus Lupin

75%

Harry Potter

70%

Sirius Black

70%

Lord Voldemort

60%

Hermione Granger

60%

Albus Dumbledore

55%

Ron Weasley

45%

Draco Malfoy

35%

Ginny Weasley

30%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, February 03, 2005

James St. James at the Jackson Trial

For those who know James, or know OF James, it is possibly perfect that he has travelled to Santa Maria to witness the madness of the Jackson trial first hand.
Who else would be able to see the glamour and tragedy such an event has on display?

Thank you James for sharing your first report :)

All reports will eventually be appearing on a British entertainment and info site-
Once they have been posted, I'll share the link here-
Enjoy-

MONDAY, SANTA MARIA COURTHOUSE – Are you kidding? Of course I came. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Why, it’s ground zero for the most important legal decision of our lifetime! A Scopes Monkey Trial for the 21st century! The themes are epic! The consequences dire! This is big-time stuff, folks. BIG! BIG! Biblical even! This goes way beyond Good versus Evil. We are here to decide if good can even exist in the modern world! Is faith even possible in a forensics-based society? And what about the children? MY GOD, WILL SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Let’s face it, with Michael Jackson there is very little middle ground. He either represents all that is good in the world, or all that is twisted and evil. Consider the facts. Assume for a minute that he’s innocent. No really. It could happen. If he TRULY IS innocent, if he is who he claims to be, and his heart is pure, and his actions are truly charitable – if he loves God’s children and wants only to do what’s right by them. then, by god, he really is A SAINT AMONG MEN. Praise the Lord and pass the duck butter. If such a man really exists, than there IS goodness in the land, and the meek shall inherit the earth, and hey, maybe unicorns do exist, and world peace is possible with George Bush. Hell, maybe even George Bush is a good person.

But if he is guilty – and with a sinking heart we must in all likelihood steel ourselves for that possibility – why then, let the records show that he is truly EVIL INCARNATE. A monster, through and through. And we must therefore question the motives of each and every “good” person on earth and suspect that beneath their altruism lies a darker motivation.

Like I said: SPIRITUAL ENDGAME.

That’s why we’re all here in Santa Maria, California.

The battle lines are drawn. The stakes are high. The outcome, life-altering. THE TENSION IS ALMOST TOO MUCH.

I worry most about the Michael Jackson impersonators. They have the most to lose here. I mean, WHAT HAPPENS when the person you have based your entire life and career upon, suddenly falls from grace? What would you do? Where would you go? What happens on that dark night of the soul when you must admit to yourself that you have based your whole life upon a fraud?

As I wandered through the crowd I spotted Navi, the most famous MJ impersonator in England, and asked him those very questions.

Talking to the various fanatics throughout the day, I realized that I was perhaps the only person who even for a moment entertained the notion of Michael’s guilt. I was the only person worried about the consequences of a negative outcome. Not one person there seemed to believe for a second their hero could do something so villainous. I think it was Napolean (or maybe Kathy Griffith) who said “There is no place in a fanatic’s head where reason can enter”. Too true. Too true.

Well, you’ve seen the news footage. The endless parade of fans from around the world. Sobbing psychos from England, France, Japan, Poland, Belgium, and beyond holding homemade signs and flags: “LEAVE HIM ALONE!” “U R THE VICTIM HERE, MICHAEL!” “THE BRIGHTEST STAR IS YOU! “ All of them absolutely convinced of his innocence. Nothing but a sea of absolute fanatics as far as the eye can see, wearing white as a symbol of his purity.

Except.

Except for one old lady, one sad and heroic lady at the edge of the crowd, who just about broke my heart. Her name was Diane and she, alone, held a sign that read “WE BELIEVE AND SUPPORT THE VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE.”

“I was molested as a child,” she told me, “and it’s so important to listen to them.” We talked for a few moments about how hard it was for her to stand there, every day, and be attacked by the Jackson fans.

Just then, somebody threw a rock at her sign. “YOU’RE UNAMERICAN!” screamed the head of the MercyForMichael website. “YOU DON’T REPRESENT AMERICA! HE’S INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY! GET OUT OF HERE!!”

People cheered, and a crowd formed around Diane.

She trembled slightly, but held her ground. Eventually the angry mob moved on.

It was a depressing little scene and I thought about it all day long.

Back in my hotel room that night, there wasn’t much to do, so I decided to bone up on my Rabbinical legends (of course, of course). I discovered an ancient bit of lore that I clasped to my bosom and embraced as fact:

It is said, and thus believed, that at any given time, there are in existence 34 good people on the planet, whose purity keeps God from giving up on us and destroying the world all over again (with floods and Tony Danza talk shows and so forth). There can never be ANY LESS than 34 people – and by God, let’s hope that there are more. So, if any one should die or fall from grace and lapse into unChristian-like behavior, someone else must rise to beatitude to take his place.

I decided that Diane, of course, is one of them. And, as discussed before, Michael WAS, but his purity is being challenged, and therefore the fate of the world hangs in the balance. Yes, with him, goes the world.

(For the record, these are the other 32, as far as I can figure:

3. Oprah
4. Dr. Mathilda Krim
5. Dear Abby
6. Nelson Mandela
8. Rosa Parks
9. Ricky Martin
10. Sister Wendy
11. The old lady from TITANIC
12. Tammy Faye Messner
13. Ty Pennington
14. Matthew Shepard’s mother
15. Desmond Tutu
16. Betty White
17. Joan Embry from the San Diego Zsoo
18. Me
19. Julie Andrews
20. Ben (but not Jerry)
21. Christiaan Amanpour
22. Paul Newman
23. Kermit the Frog
24. Montel
25. Jim Galasso
26. Madeline Albright
27. Todd Oldham
28. Della Reese
29. Maggie Smith
30. Morrissey
31. Doris Day
32. Keanu Reeves
33. Carol Channing
and 34 is a tie between Jai Rodriguez and the Pope)

So now we know: If Michael is found guilty, God will destroy the world. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Stay tuned, as the story continues.

– James St. James

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

further evidence of lost magic on the Isle

Battle rages over Irish Celtic site
By Brian Lavery The New York Times Monday, January 31, 2005
Proposed highway route is near burial place of 140 kings

TARA, Ireland Ancient England may have Stonehenge, but ancient Ireland has the Hill of Tara. The 6,000-year-old sacred site in the middle of quiet rolling fields is revered here as the burial place of 140 kings, and as the formative birthplace of this land's national identity.
.
Modern Ireland also has Dublin, whose growing metropolitan area is home to about 1.5 million people out of Ireland's population of close to 4 million. The city's expansion is causing a clash that is affecting the entire country, as lovers of the mythical and prehistoric Ireland try to preserve the tranquillity of Tara as local residents of the area struggle to commute to the capital on antiquated and inadequate roads.
.
Their needs prompted plans more than four years ago for a highway stretching from Dublin into County Meath, where the population has soared in the last decade. Drivers rejoiced in the hope of relief from the traffic jams on the existing two-lane road to Dublin, which carries double its suggested vehicle capacity as it winds through farmland and past rows of new housing complexes.
.
The highway's proposed route has it passing Tara, about 2.4 kilometers, or 1.5 miles, to the east, and carving through a valley that contains some of the oldest archaeological sites in Europe. As a result, the road plan has become a lightning rod for bringing ancient history into contemporary politics. Archaeologists and heritage campaigners have begun fighting a legal battle to move the road, contending that a failure to do so would prove that Ireland, much wealthier after the economic boom that transformed it into the "Celtic Tiger," had lost touch with its roots.
.
Construction is to start early next year and be completed by 2008, but could take longer if protests continue.
.
The campaign to preserve the Tara-Skryne Valley is backed by prominent members of Parliament and has attracted international support on the Internet.
.
Tara "is important to our psyche, our nation, and our identity," said Julitta Clancy, secretary of the Meath Archeological and Historical Society, which is opposed to the route through the valley that stretches from the monuments at Tara to the picturesque ruins of a stone church on a neighboring hill at Skryne.
.
.
Supporters of the four-lane road, which is 65 kilometers long and has a budget of about €700 million, or $900 million, counter that it does not threaten the hill itself. They point out that alternative routes pass unacceptably close to dozens of houses. They also say that the 38 archaeological sites that developers have already found along the route would be excavated, documented and stored in a museum.
.
At a recent meeting of the Parliament's environment committee, opponents of the route contended that the Tara-Skryne Valley is an intact archaeological landscape, filled with dozens and possibly hundreds of undiscovered sites, like a ring of protective forts that encircle the sacred hill. They fear that Tara's spectacular views, which reach to 13 of Ireland's 32 counties on a clear day, will be marred by gas stations and restaurants at a proposed cloverleaf junction nearby.
.
Unlike Stonehenge or archaeological sites like the nearby Newgrange Tomb, Tara requires a lot of imagination from contemporary visitors. The oldest monuments at Tara date from 4,000 B.C., and Ireland's kings were crowned on the hill until Christianity arrived. But most of its structures are buried or grown over, and are visible only as grassy bumps and ridges in the ground.
.
Still, many people consider Tara to be the heart of Celtic spirituality and central to being Irish. New Age druids still hold regular ceremonies here.
.
On a blustery afternoon recently, Clancy led a group of about 20 locals on a walk around the hill, pointing out monuments like the two parallel ridges stretching down a slope that could have been a processional or banquet hall.
.
"It comes down to the Celtic Tiger turning its back on its Celtic past," Clancy said.
.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

News and Recaps

So Sunday a group of us went to The Getty and had a lovely time.
We had lunch, tried a new wine, saw some illuminated manuscripts about torture, and R and I picked out our V-day furniture.
Now we just need to figure out how to get it out of the museum, and to his place-
Although....art is love-love is art- that sort of thing.
Would be a lot easier to just leave it there and 'borrow' it.

After The Getty S and I went shopping, grabbed dinner, and settled in for the latest episode of Carnivale. J felt like it was a filler episode-I think J must have missed some things, because I thought it progressed the story in exactly the same tempo it has all season.

Monday had plans with A, but like so many, he is not feeling well-
We did talk about the upcoming trip to London, Dublin, Paris and he seems keen to go.
Caught B (AC) online last night and chatted for a bit while I caught up on email and oggled the ear candy St sent me. (Enablers can be dangerous things)

Social calendar has finally got some free time on it this week-now I am deciding if I want to use tonight and tomorrow to finally go out with RC and E, or if I just want to relax till Thursday-
Thought I could ask M and C to meet me at The Dresdan and invite RC to tag along there for open mic-
just not sure.

Feeling good physically-mood is wonderfully positive.
Having lots of fun-may be meeting too many new distractions at once.

How about some news?

The Beak Shall Inherit the Earth

Doves of peace attacked Pope John Paul II in St. Peter's Square yesterday, in a scene that could have been snipped from Hitchcock's The Birds, if The Birds had been filmed in Rome and had a totally different shooting script. One of the doves swooped in for the kill twice and had to be wrestled to the ground by an aide (a cardinal, maybe?). On a positive note, it's the first time we've seen the sickly 84-year-old's actual face in many years.

Hot Monkey Love

Seems the banana doesn't fall far from the tree. A new study found that male monkeys will give up their juice rewards in order to ogle pictures of female monkeys' asses, says Live Science.com. In the experiment, juice served as money and the monkeys were only too eager to lose the juice to see the caboose. The rhesus macaque monkeys also gave it up to salivate over photos of high-ranking primates. Like us shlubs going to Scores.

And finally, what would MJ look like if he had stayed black?

http://www.forartist.com/forensic/modification/mj/jackson.htm