Thursday, February 24, 2005

Weekly World News Updates 4 Horsemen adventures

Book of Revelation's bad guys didn't know where the hell they were going, say cops!
PARIS - A funny thing happened on the way to Doomsday - the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got lost and had to ask for directions!

That is the wild story of a French police officer who claims that one of the fearsome riders trotted up to him on the roadside and sheepishly asked, "Do you know the way to Rome?"

"It was the one on a red horse, holding a broad-sword. I guess that must be the Second Horseman, the War guy," highway patrolman Michel Clenard told a Paris newspaper.

"I was totally taken aback. I mean, these guys are supposed to be determining the fate of all mankind - but they seem to have no Earthly idea where they're going. And I didn't know whether to point them in the right direction or send them on a wild goose chase."

According to prophecies in the Holy Bible, a warning sign that the end of the world is near will be the arrival of four mysterious horsemen, representing the major calamities that will plague man in the last days - war, famine, pestilence and death (Rev. 6:2-8).

The uncanny encounter took place 13 miles outside Paris on the highway from Dijon. Officer Clenard was assisting a female motorist whose auto had broken down on the side of the road, when he first spotted the hooded horsemen and their giant steeds.

"They had stopped on the other side of the road and they were arguing over their map about which way to go," said Officer Clenard. "I was concerned because cars were whizzing by really fast and the horses seemed like they were getting anxious."

Officer Clenard said eventually one of the horsemen was sent over to his patrol car.

"The guy seemed reluctant and when he got close enough for me to recognize him from illustrations in my Bible, I understood why," he said. "The guys are supposed to be these big, bad harbingers of doom - asking for help must have been humiliating."

Officer Clenard said the Second Horseman spoke in an antiquated form of French.

"I advised him to keep his sword sheathed and I gave him directions, but I'm not sure he got them right," the cop said. "When the riders took off, two of them headed the wrong way!"

and then the adventures continued to Texas

War, Famine, Pestilence and Death take on all comers THE BIBLE'S Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are causing problems again -- this time at a posh polo club in Texas.
According to eyewitness accounts, the fearsome foursome known in theological circles as War, Famine, Pestilence and Death took on all comers in several polo matches and won every chukker.

"They performed very well indeed," says one club member who has played with Britain's Prince Charles but called his experience with the bonnie Four Horsemen "incomparable even to that."

"They are superb horsemen and very fast to the ball. Of course, their appearance is very unsettling, but overall they did seem a splendid bunch of chaps."

Another experienced player says: "Pestilence in particular rode a superb mount that lasted throughout every game. The Four Horsemen didn't need a string of ponies, they did very well with just one horse."

While most have been gracious while discussing the matches, some observers have made it clear that to their way of thinking, the Four Horsemen had an unfair advantage and shouldn't have been allowed to compete.

"Are people seriously trying to argue that these guys are on an even playing field with regulars at a polo club in Dallas, Texas?" asks one fan. "I'm not going to raise a stink, but I do raise the question.

"Death on a Pale Horse riding against Joe Blow on a polo pony? I'm sorry -- for me, that just doesn't compute. Besides our guys were all dressed in regulation attire. These Four Horsemen looked like rejects from the World Wrestling Federation.

"It was all very lowbrow and distracting." The Four Horsemen have appeared on Earth several times through history -- usually before wars break out -- as prophesied in the Bible's frighteningly accurate Book of Revelation. They have been spotted with increasing frequency since the United States invaded Iraq, most recently at the polo club in Dallas.

Prior to that, they made sports page headlines when they brought fans to their feet after a hard-fought polo match in Sydney, Australia. They also won several horse races at an English track before throat-clearing officials quietly disqualified them for not registering in advance. Back in the United States, Kenneth Jones-Studemeyer of the East Dallas Polo Club shrugged off talk about the Four Horsemen being unfair competition and praised their ability to compete and compete well.

"They lived up to their reputations and to their fearsome names, just as they did in Australia and England," he says. "They dazzled and then crushed their opponents with superior horsemanship and finely honed playing skills.

"It was marvelous to watch them in action. We feel fortunate to have seen them perform. We have no way of contacting them. But I think I speak for everyone at East Dallas Polo -- they are welcome here anytime." Where the Four Horsemen will turn up next is anybody's guess, although at least one religious scholar believes it won't be far from a battlefield -- possibly in Afghanistan or Iraq. "President Bush is a Texan so the Four Horsemen coming here for a polo match makes sense," says one clergyman.

"I don't know for a fact that polo is played in Iraq or Afghanistan, but surely they race horses. I think everybody does that."


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