Tuesday, March 01, 2005

and the 'chat dating' continues

As is normal for me-hence my writing things down on a calendar,
and adding them to a Palm,
and emailing myself reminders-
I was wrong about what time I was supposed to meet Colin on line.

See that?

I admitted that I was wrong.

It happens-
at least this time no bets were placed. :)

So we get down to our latest 'chat date' adventure,
and start catching up on eachothers weekends.

He had his award dinner on Friday.
(I'm all smooshy with pride)

I told him about my Friday night, and shared the photos with him.
He asked if I now liked boys AND girls.

Silly, silly boy.

I had to explain that kissing girls does not make one a lesbian.
Kissing girls is fun-just like kissing boys is fun.
Kissing has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.

I'd think most hetro men would be excited by the idea of a girl kissing another girl.
You certainly see it in all the hetro-male driven porn out on the market.

Then the thought occured to me, and I asked, "Would it matter if I liked boys and girls?"

"Not at all" he says, "I was just wondering."

"So lets say I DO like boys and girls now-"
"Alright. You like boys and girls now."

"See?", I ask, "What's the big deal?"

"No big deal Dear, just something I wanted to know about someone I'm interested in."

"but what difference would it make? If I dig you, then it's not like I would go out and sleep with a woman-just like I wouldn't go out and sleep with some other man."

"Consider this before you get defensive, please" he says.
"If you were to become involved with someone, who you knew going into the relationship fancied something you would never be able to fulfill for them, would you have reservations about starting a relationship with them?"

I had to ponder this for a bit-

"ok-if I KNEW that I could not fulfill them, then I guess I would not want to aid in that neglect of thier needs."
"BUT", I continued, "whose to say just because someone likes boys and girls, they would not choose to be with just one or the other?"

"but in making that choice, or they not denying part of who they are?" he asked.

-Fair enough
and then it occurs to me-

"Hang on! There are pix of me kissing boys on that site too! Why do the pix of girls pose a threat, but not the
other boys? Couldn't you argue that to start a relationship with someone who likes to kiss ANY other people would be starting a relationship with someone choosing to deny themselves something?"

"No. Men I can compete with. I'm not worried about some other man. Another woman and I wouldn't stand a chance ;)"

"Thats prolly true.", I agree.

So the night proceded on into other small talk.
I thanked him for the gifts he sent for ARs b'day.
There was this, and this.
Both of which I very much enjoyed receiving.

He told me about a paper he had been marking today.

The assignment was to annalyze a piece of modern literature that has connected in a personal way with this moment in your life.

Very interesting assignment I felt.

"Did anyone pick Harry Potter?", I eagerly ask like the nerd that I am.

There was a pause while I'm sure he laughed and shook his head in disgust.

"One person did pick a Placebo song though." he says.

"REALLY?!?!?Which one?" I asked.

"Come Home. I think he's coming out to me in his paper."
"OH MY FUCKING GAWD THAT IS SO HAWT!!!!" I screamed as I typed.
"Is he delicate, and pretty, and wears eyeliner, and blushes when someone calls him lovely?"

"Are you drunk?" he asked.

"NO! Even if its not true-at least play a long a little-gimmie something for fucks sake!" I plead.

Somehow through the magic of the internet I can SENSE him rolling his eyes at me.

"No." he deadpans, "but I'm impressed with what he's written. I'm just not sure if it's all that fair for him to write about a song, while others have written about novels."

"I think song lyrics are modern literature-they're poetry-and that should count."
(This is me trying to argue on behalf of the boy, who in my mind looks like this, or this.)

"and yet, somehow I knew, that you would feel that way" he says.

At this point I'm surfing looking up what album the song is on-
-scan the CD racks-
found it-
I put in the album.

"I don't think I would even think of this song if I had been given the assignment. I'd be looking for something dark and angsty-this is rather peppy."

"I know. I had to go through boxes to find the album and listen to it once I started the paper." he says.

"So what song would you pick?" I ask.

"Placebo, or otherwise?"

"Either, or, both-your choice. If you were going to pick a song that reflects how you are feeling at this point in your life, what would you pick?" I inquired.

"That is too difficult to answer quickly," he says, "let me think on it a bit. You think on it too."

I go pour another glass of wine for myself, and start to scan the Placebo CD I'm listening to-
'Nancy Boy' is one of my fave Placebo songs, so I give that one a try-
-Nope, not the one.

We both go quiet on the chat, and as I scan my CDs I smile at my mental picture of him, bent over a stack of CDs looking for titles and sentiments.

"Ok I have my Placebo song!" I declare.
"Blue American"

"What album?" he asks.

"Black Market Music", I say.

"I don't think I own that one. Will you mail it to me?"

So I try and figure out how to convert this song to an mp3, and start sending it across the miles to his campus flat.

"Did you pick one yet?" I ask.

"I think so. I think I'm going to select, 'This Picture'"

I scramble to try and find what album its on and give it a listen.

"Well thats a little dark" , I judge-

"Any darker than,

I read a book about the self
Said I should get expensive help
Go fix my head
Create some wealth
Put my neurosis on the shelf
But I don't care for myself
I don't care for myself" , he asks.

"Guess not-but mine is a metaphor-what's yours?"

"It's about getting old and missing the beauty of youth while traveling through your life."

"It is?" , I ask, confused.

"It is for me."

"alright-what's your non-Placebo song then?" ,I ask.

"That's easy. 'Perfect Day', Lou Reed. It's been in my head for a fortnight."

"oh :( well I need some time to figure mine out :)-amuse yourself while I think on this"

It was at this point that I was trying to think of something shocking, rather than answering the question. I hated that he was able to answer so quickly.
I started considering choices like, a ballad.
But nothing felt right.

So I checked on him-
"Darling, how are you? Getting too late for you to play yet?"

"no I'm fine :) I had a lie down after classes today. I'm reading our announcements page. Apparently Ron Jeremy is coming to speak."


"Yes. He'll be speaking to the Union. It's scheduled for today. Must see if I can get tickets!"

"Oh My :)"

I go back to searching for my non-Placebo song...

"Alright" I finally type, "Wicked Ways", by Garbage. It's on 2.0"

"Let me change CDs and pour another glass."

"me too" and I head to the kitchen to bring the entire bottle back with me this time.

Pouring another glass of wine, Flurry rolls over and stretches-taking up the entire bed- length wise.

"I guess I'm not going to bed any time soon. My dog is sleeping on her back, on my bed, her legs in the air, and doing a sort of running thing. It's very entertaining :)"

"Well I have to start my day soon Dear :(" he says, "It's almost 7 here."

"In the morning?!?!Are you mad?"

"No. At least I don't expect I am. Perhaps that is the first sign of madness?" he asks.

"It's either that, or dating someone via the internet :)" I offer.

"Are we dating now? I thought you would make me wait till we were in the same time zone before you allowed that."

"I'll allow it. As long as you know that allowance comes with many, many, many girl on girl kisses." I say.

Typical long pause at that

"The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another's little lapses." he says.

"Is that yours or did you steal it?" I ask.

"Nicked, for your benefit, from David Storey"

"Well thank David Storey for me, and say good night, Darling."

"Good Morning Dear"


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