Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Flirting vs. Staying on Task

I was writing.
The words were coming quicker than I could type them.
AIM was on, but I was ignoring the pop ups.
Then the phone started to ring.
I ignored that too-

"I'm being creative damnit! Stop distracting me!" I screamed at the noisy monster on the nightstand.

Ah Silence.

Then it started again.
Incesstant cries of an ignored child using any means to extract attention.

I stomped over and answered angrily, "WHAT?!?!"

"Well hello to you too Dear."
(I could hear him smiling on the other end of the line)

"I'm WRITING! What do you want?" I say far too rudely.

"There's my grumpy little tornado!"

"Stop it. I'll lose my train of thought. AIM. Not the phone. I'm mid-sentence Darling" I plead.

"Right. Back to the computer then." and he hangs up.

I go back and continue my sentence,
"A lifetime of others expectations had done wonders for creating the illusion of smugness, but did nothing to mask her sudden apprehension when finally challenged to prove herself."

I don't like the sentence-it'll have to be re-written.
I blame him.

"Sorry for the neglect Darling.", I type, "How are you?"
"I miss you. I had a lurve moment today."
"A lurve moment?" I ask, confused.

"I was at the music shop, and they played something that made me think of you."
"Uh oh. Was it my Placebo song?" I ask.

"No. It's a song from Young Americans. I had to buy the CD it struck so well. Give me a minute to type out the lyrics. While I'm typing, give me your sentence."

"It's crap. You ruined it with your incesstant phone calls to flirt." I tell him.

"Just give me the blasted sentence and stop trying to pout."

"After living a life guided by others expectations, she suddenly felt apprehensive when challenged to prove herself."

"Ignore that." I say. "Thats the second re-write and I still don't like it."

"She had spent her adolescence guided by the expectations of those around her. Suddenly faced with the opportunity to face her own expectations, she felt apprehensive."

"Thats a little better." I declare.

"Ready?" he asks, "I'm going to paste them."

I brace myself-suddenly feeling rather apprehensive too.

Me, I hope that I'm crazy
I feel you driving and you're only the wheel
Slow down, let someone love you
Ohh, I've never touched you since I started to feel
If there's nothing to hide me
Then you've never seen me hanging naked and wired
Somebody lied, I say it's hip
To be alive

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to win
All you've got to do is win

Me, I'm fresh on your pages
Secret thinker sometimes listening aloud
Life lies dumb on its heroes
Wear your wound with honor, make someone proud
Someone like you
should not be allowed
To start any fires

Now your smile is spreading thin
Seems you're trying not to lose
Since I'm not supposed to win
All you've got to do is win

"I think you might be smitten." I say.
"I think I might be too." he agrees. "Any chance you are?"

"Maybe a better question is if I am willing to allow myself to be?" I ask.
"Maybe that's a question better asked at a much later date?"
"I think so." I say

I wish I had not been so honest.
He was not his normal flirty self after that.
There was an energy missing, and I missed it.
And now that he's gone to bed for the night, I'm missing him.


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