Wednesday, April 27, 2005

'Birthday Letters'

I wasn't going to write anything tonight.
But on a tipsy whim I decided to check my email and found the following quoted passage...

We walked south across London to Fetter Lane
And your hotel. Opposite the entrance
On a bombsite becoming a building site
We clutched each other giddily
For safety and went in a barrel together
Over some Niagara. Falling
In the roar of soul your scar told me-
Like its secret name or its password-
How you had tried to kill yourself. And I heard
Without ceasing for a moment to kiss you
As if a sober star had whispered it
Above the revolving, rumbling city:stay clear.

A poltroon of a star. I cannot remember
How I smuggled myself, wrapped in you,
Into the hotel. There we were.
You were slim and lithe and smooth as a fish.
You were a new world. My new world.
So this is America, I marvelled.
Beautiful, beautiful America!

-"18 Rugby Street", Ted Hughes

It's his way of wondering how far along I am through the book.
-and his way of letting me know which particular poem he is thinking of as he writes.

I've finished the book, and have started my 2nd true re-reading of it.

Through the first read, I was doubtful. To the degree of doubting if these stanzas of sweet verse to a long lost love were perhaps written years later, to try and provoke peace from the diatribe of hate.
After setting the book aside, the bitterness faded, and I re-read flagged passages.
Now as I am about to complete the 2nd actual read-through, and provoked by curiosity, I commit my unedited thoughts to word.

'Birthday Letters' is a collection of poems written during the courtship and marriage of Ted Hughes to Sylvia Plath. He outlines their passionate meeting, the tug and war of their short courting, their marriage, and his feelings upon her death.
He writes of memories of her, and seeing her in their children.
He evokes the fluttery expectation one feels when they meet someone whom they instantly recognize will have a profound impact on who they are, and the remainder of their existence.
He does not make excuses for his role in her self-inflicted demise.

It's true that I am able to see Hughes as something more than the untrue writer who professed sharing the same soul, while at the same time enacted the very things at the center of his wifes fears and insecurities.
He was those things.
And while I feel a bit stand offish to his delivery of anguish and ineptitude at preventing her ending, I am better able to understand his feelings-while not what one would hope from a partner-than I had been before.

My argument I suppose is not one directed at Hughes, but directed at human nature.
He knew the first night they had spent together of her past attempts.
He embraced this torture, and relished her for her challenges and talents.

I therefore find it impossible to pity him for his feelings of inability to deal with her incessant self doubt and undercurrent of desire to end pain.
To take her misguided father/lover torture to heart, and as muse, and then proclaim she was impossible to live with, is to in itself betray the musings of his own heart.

I no longer begrudge the man his awards and talent.
I still do not forgive a husband who edits a wife's journals before publishing them.
Either do not edit, and acquiesce to her vision of the world, or publish nothing.
To edit a stilled voice out of fear of your own representation, is a greater injustice than to not sound the voice at all.

As in all examples of great passion, the Plath-Hughes caper is one of great joy, and great loss.
As voyeurs we can choose to selectively embrace this passion, or selectively condemn it.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Live Journal Silliness

I've been given a reading assignment-
I got in an argument over the talent of Ted Hughes and said he was only famous because he was a total bastard to Sylvia Plath
-but then when challenged what I was basing my opinion of his works on, I had to admit that I had not read much of his writing-Really I've only seen the kids film Iron Giant-
So I'm reading through 'Birthday Letters' as assigned, and plan to share my thoughts shortly.
In the mean time, some LJ silliness that made me smile :)

So for those who don't read Live Journal, theres this whole trend of color bars with the description that something 'is love'
I've seen things like 'Travel is love' and 'reading is love' and as you would expect, someone did a series with the HP house colors making the bars look like the house scarves or house ties-
Have I lost you yet?
So anyway, here they are, the Slytherin one of course, being the clever entry :)

Gryffindor is love.

Ravenclaw is love.

Hufflepuff is love.

Slytherin is love I really wanna get in your pants so I'll tell you I love you and then only call you again if I'm really horny.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

guess I really need to jump on renewing my passport

I bought my ticket today.
I'm happily excited.

And Colin has arranged the use of his friend Michael's guest room while I am there.
Woo Hoo to a free place to stay in London!

I'll spend Thursday and Friday happily on my own, then he'll join me on Friday night for dinner, drinks, and HP book release silliness.
(Does that give me 2 days of uninterupted stalking?

Saturday it's on to Oxford, where the plan is just to relax and see the countryside.

Monday we're back into London, then to Kent for dinner with his Mother
(yes I'm terrified)

Tuesday is back to London for the London Zoo and then either a show or a private dinner.

Wednesday I am on the plane and heading home,
Likely exhausted and in need of a vacation :)

Monday, April 18, 2005


Transition due to my transgressions
My journey,
a fit of excessiveness

I celebrate the dreg that has become my humanity
viewing life through the bottom of wine colored glasses

A mother I am not
a martyr I may well be

Longing for sleep in the light
shaking with nervous endeavers through the dark

Frantic agitation

Incapable of stillness
yet longing for a moments peace

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Time Zones make me grumpy

So it's after 4 a.m.,
I left the after hours bored,
yes there were a couple of cute gay boys to play with, but I was just not in to it this morning-

I ordered really bad food from Carl's Jr (that means 2 hours of cardio tomorrow)

and I just tried making an international booty call, and got no answer :(

So instead I am watching SS, surfing, and catching up on email.
No booty call on a Friday night/Saturday morning is really frustrating.

Now I wonder if I will actually make it out to golf tomorrow-

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


How does a girl like me let her passport expire?!?!?
I don't know how it happened-
My only excuse is that for the past couple of years I've been spending time seeing California, so I didn't notice the expiration date.

Then I got an invite tonight for dinner on Friday-

"Bring Jeff, I'll cover your ticket, and we'll go to dinner and then out somewhere that he can meet a girl."

He found a ticket on Luftansa for $300 RT.
LAX to Munich to London

I was ready to go-
Just wait till Jeff gets home from class and fill him in.
Ask sweetly that Ryan dogsit the Flurry.
Fly out Thursday night, arrive in London Friday morning.

Then I remembered and checked my passport.
It's expired :(

Not sure I'm going to make it till July before I'm on a plane across the Atlantic.

Need to resolve to not be in London for the book release, or plan a weekend in NY again.

Damn expired passports, and boys who might distract me from HP in London.

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Top 10 Album Post

On St. Pat's Jeff and I got into a discussion with Duckie about what was the best album ever.
The debate went back and forth what the title holder should be.

Should the selection be based on the album's influence on music, on album sales, or could you even argue that the album that means the most to you is the top?

As the boys argued over R.E.M., I interjected that as great as R.E.M. are, how can you pick an R.E.M. album over something like John Coltrane's 'Love Supreme', or 'Raw Power', or 'Transformer'? (None of which made my final list.)

What makes a great album?
What makes the best album?

So I sent out feelers and requests to the music snobs I personally know and love, and those that replied of course all had huge explanations of why they picked each album-all of which I have deleted here.
The factor for building thier lists was simply the albums that they felt were the best.

So what did I learn?

Regardless of the genre of music someone listens to most often, or even the type of music they spend their nights dancing to at clubs, or attending concerts of, overall there is a basic opinion of who has made the best albums, though only a few agreed on which album by a particular artist deserved to be on the list.
My inquiry showed that regardless of the music scene of which you are a member the roots of what make great music, are all reflected in a small list of highly influential performers.
I also learned, that while those who were asked are far from what I would consider main stream in thier tastes, practically everyone turned to 'classic' artists in at least one spot on their list.

What's the run down?

David Bowie and The Beatles tied with the most appearances-though not the same albums selected.
Pink Floyd and U2 tied for 2nd place. Interestingly everyone picked the same U2 album, and it was not Joshua Tree.
The Clash and The Who were tied for 3rd place, with three appearances each.
Next were Frank Sinatra, Radiohead, The Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, and The Sex Pistols, all with 2 votes each.

Two selections that made me immediately look into performers I had not heard of-
Eric's pick of the band, Love, and the album, 'Forever Changes', and Persephone's Pick of, Madeleine Peyroux', 'Careless Love'.

The groups rivethed picked the only Industrial album on the list, the Emo boy picked the only Emo band, Eric and his love for gals that play guitar is reflected in choices of Joan Jett and Hole, the token British boy is the only who would think Oasis deserves to be on this list, it takes a white girl to pick political rap, and as always, Josh is full of surprises.

On to the lists!

Doug's List

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco
Synchronicity - The Police
The White Album - The Beatles
The Final Cut - Pink Floyd
Scary Monsters (.. and super creeps) - David Bowie
Achtung Baby-U2
Combat Rock-The Clash
3rd LP(aka "Melty Face") - Peter Gabriel
Raiders of the Lost Ark Soundtrack - John Williams

Colin's List

Highway 61 Revisted-Bob Dylan
Never Mind the Bollocks-Sex Pistols
London Calling-The Clash
OK Computer-Radiohead
A Night at the Opera-Queen
Trans Europe Express-Kraftwerk
Achtung Baby-U2
Quadrophenia-The Who
Aladdin Sane-Bowie
What's the Story Morning Glory-Oasis

Skarlett's List

Achtung Baby-U2
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back-Public Enemy
Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars-David Bowie
The Idiot-Iggy Pop
Pet Sounds-The Beach Boys
Never Mind the Bollocks-The Sex Pistols
Beggers Banquet-The Rolling Stones
London Calling-The Clash
Sgt Pepper's-The Beatles
The Wall-Pink Floyd

Josh's List

Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields - Amadeus [ Soundtrack ]
B.B. King - Blues Is King
Beatles - Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band
Bob Dylan - Slow Train Coming
Bob Marley - Legend
Depeche Mode - Violator
John Denver - The Wildlife Concert
Pink Floyd - The Wall
The Who - Tommy
The Eagles - Hotel California

Eric's List

Frank Sinatra - Only The Lonely
Brian Wilson - Smile
The Beatles - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Love - Forever Changes
Paul Simon - There Goes Rhymin' Simon
Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon
The Clash - London Calling
David Bowie - Scary Monsters
Joan Jett - Bad Reputation
Hole - Celebrity Skin

Jeff's List

The Beach Boys-Pet Sounds
The Beatles-Abbey Road
David Bowie-The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars
R.E.M.-Automatic For The People
U2-Achtung Baby
Einsturzende Neubauten-Strategies Against Architecture II
Radiohead-OK Computer
Frank Sinatra-The Very Good Years
The Who-Quadrophenia
Led Zeppelin-Physical Graffiti

The lovely and talented writer, Persephone's Pick

Madeleine Peyroux-Careless Love

When We Two Parted

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:--
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?--
With silence and tears.

Lord Byron

Monday, April 04, 2005

Doomsday Inspiration?

I know I'm late writing the Top 10 Album post :(
I promise to get to it soon-
Tonight I'm distracted surfing for images to inspire me for Kitty's theme this week, Post Apocalypse.
And I'm not finding much that is inspiring-
I always try and think of something beyond first ideas, hoping to come up with something I don't expect to see anyone else wearing.
So far, no luck.
I also received a book in the mail today from Colin and his trip to the British Library to see the exhibit I didn't understand why he wanted to see.
Now looking through the book, I wish I had been able to go :)
So I'm surfing, reading this book, and not doing any album compiling-
Forgive my distracted nature tonight.
Hope you are all well

Saturday, April 02, 2005

2:36 Saturday Morning

So I'm driving home from Kitty's
Not drunk-if anything barely tipsy.
For some strange reason I call the UK on my cell phone

"What are you doing?"
"I'm having breakfast and reading the paper. What are you doing?"

"I'm exiting the freeway-want to meet me on line in a few minutes?"

and then he did

"Did you have fun?" he asks.
"I did."

"Should you have driven home?"
"I should have."

"Were you the Pope?"
"I was. Only now I can't untie this corset :("

"No afterhours event with pictures of you kissing boys?"
"no. just Kittys with pictures of me kissing boys."

"So what are you doing instead of going to bed?"
"listening to The Verve and missing you :)"

"Oh really?"
"oh yes"

"and what are you doing?" I ask.
"I already told you. I was having breakfast. I'm reading the paper and sort of watching Snatch."
"I like that movie."
"me too."
"Did you have fun? Were there lots of people there?"
"Chris and Abby were there, and Matt, and Megan and Duckie and Phil"
"Did you have fun?"
"I did. But now they are all at home having sex, and I'm online chatting to a boy eating beans and toast :)"
"I'd rather be there with you, if that helps."
"It does, and I'd rather you be here too."
"and if I were?"
"who knows :)"

"do you like jello?"
"theres always room for jello", I say.
"Do you know this song?"

"All I could think of, was how many boxes it would take?
What would be the most alluring colour?
The most delicious flavour?
And how could that affect our oral explarations?
If the Jello gets firm, would I bounce?"

"I like that song." I say
"My favorite part," I continue is, "Overhaul a prudish attitude.
Don't whistle and stick up your nose, at least, not up in the air."

"so were there pictures of The Pontiff in action?" he asks.
"I think so. I know I took a lot of pictues of the group."

"What are your plans today?"
"I'm going to see a movie with Ryan and Chris and Abby at noon."
"What time is it now?" he asks.
"It's after 3"
"I think you should go to bed. Drink some water first."
"I think you are right. Can I paste this to my blog?"
"Is it intereting?"
"Are you interested?", I ask.
"Most definately."
"Then I'll cut and paste it. If for no other reason, then so I can read that you said most definately tomorrow when I re-read this :) "

"Say good night Gracie"
"Good Morning Darling :)"
"Good Night my Dear, Sweet Dreams"